Author: Anonymous Page 93

Etiquette: The noise you don’t make while eating soup.

Definitions

Do not argue with an idiot; he/she will drag you down to his/her level and beat you with experience.

Fools Intelligence People

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars

Men People Women

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth, about someone.

Communication Definitions

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Definitions Men People

Nepotism: A form of favoritism – relatively speaking.

Definitions Family

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

He's the meanest man on the face of the universe.

Mixed metaphors

Quit your procrasterbating and go talk to him.

Malaprops

The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.

Beliefs Children Family Intelligence Opinion

John Hurt looks like Joan of Arc, after she's burnt at stake.

Appearance Insults

“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.

Tom Swifties

I’ll be on him like a wild dog on a ham.

Expressions

She has got 10 foot pole marks all over her.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

“I can see the Greek woodland deity is no more,” Tom said with a deadpan expression.

Tom Swifties

Fashion: A make-work program to get women to buy new clothes for no real reason before the old clothes wear out.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever – but would rather not.

Age

Diet: Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.

Definitions Food/Drink

He smokes like a fish.

Mixed metaphors

Cuddling: An act of warmth and affection that a husband will inevitably interpret as foreplay.

Definitions

Drama Critic: A person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Definitions Occupations Reviews/Criticism