Author: Anonymous Page 93

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

America: A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

America Definitions Places

Dreams do come through.

Malaprops

Budget: A family quarrel.

Definitions

“Fish seem to like me,” Tom said with baited breath.

Tom Swifties

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request your presents at the marriage of their daughter…

Malaprops

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.

Definitions

Retirement: The time of life when you stop lying about your age and start lying about the house.

Definitions Time Work

Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

Age Definitions Intelligence Memory Old

The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it.

Murphy’s Laws Time

The guy just couldn’t cut the custard.

Mixed metaphors

Beer… so much more than just a breakfast drink.

Beer Food/Drink

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

Definitions People

“I’m wearing a ribbon round my arm,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

“I like camping,” said Tom intently.

Tom Swifties

Out of the mouths of babes come things parents never should have said.

Children Communication Family Speech

“I wish I could remember the name of that card game,” said Tom wistfully.

Tom Swifties

Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Definitions

Quit your procrasterbating and go talk to him.

Malaprops