Author: Anonymous Page 93

Dark Ages: Knight time.

Definitions

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Characteristics Intelligence

“I got in through the window after opening it with a crowbar,” said Tom enterprisingly.

Tom Swifties

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

“I guess she fell off the motorcycle,” said Tom ruthlessly.

Tom Swifties

Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.

Definitions Government Politicians

Clear Conscience: Poor memory.

Definitions

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Definitions

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

“Let’s spice it up,” said Tom gingerly.

Tom Swifties

She's uglier than homemade soap.

Miscellaneous

“Who is this Tom Swifty character anyway?” asked Tom unselfconsciously.

Tom Swifties

All's well that ends.

Mixed metaphors

They held a candlelight visual.

Malaprops

A fool and his money is a friend indeed.

Fools Friends Intelligence Money People

It was so cold… when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

“I lost my trousers,” said Tom expansively.

Tom Swifties

Flattery is telling people exactly what they think of themselves.

Characteristics People Self

Diplomat: Someone who can lose all the points and still win the game.

Definitions

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Definitions Occupations Work

“There’s someone at the front door,” Tom chimed in.

Tom Swifties