Author: Anonymous Page 94

Trick Photography: Focus pocus.

Definitions

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

Sex

College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Definitions Education School

“Has the bear gone away?” asked Tom intently.

Tom Swifties

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Definitions Marriage Wives

You can lead a gift horse to water but you can't look him in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

He’s not the one with his ass in a noose.

Mixed metaphors

“Why do you bother? I for one couldn’t….,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Communication Mistakes Problems

Undertaker: The last guy to let you down.

Definitions Occupations Work

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Husbands Marriage Wives

Eccentric: A man too rich to be called crazy.

Definitions People

Surfing the Infobahn [information superhighway]

Mixed metaphors

Dilemma: A politician trying to save both his faces at once.

Definitions Politicians Problems

I am sorry to say that my affluence over my niece is very small.

Malaprops

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Characteristics

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion