Author: Anonymous Page 94

Long road to hoe.

Mixed metaphors

Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.

Situations

Spare the rod, spoil the broth.

Mixed metaphors

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Communication Wordplay

Alcohol: A liquid good for preserving everything except secrets.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Newspaper: A publication that condemns gambling and promotes lottery numbers.

Definitions

He's grinning like a mule eating briars.

Appearance Emotions Expressions Happiness

“It only looks like cocaine,” Tom snorted.

Tom Swifties

What are you incinerating?

Malaprops

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Characteristics

“The sun is rising,” Tom mourned.

Tom Swifties

Disrespect: Giving someone half of the peace sign without suggesting they’re number one.

Definitions

They held a candlelight visual.

Malaprops

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

Situations Time

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest.

Mixed metaphors

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “Calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

Marriage Wives

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Communication Family Language Mothers

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Emotions Love Marriage

I invented a new word – “plagiarism.”

Communication Language Wordplay

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions