Author: Anonymous Page 94

The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.

Characteristics Intelligence

Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the piano needs to be moved.

Work

“Why do you bother? I for one couldn’t….,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

He is so ugly… his doctor is a vet.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

I suffer from a deviant septum.

Health Malaprops

“The executioner has received the tool he needs”, said Tom with a heavy accent.

Tom Swifties

He's grinning like a possum eating a persimmon.

Appearance Expressions

Electrician: A person who wires for money.

Definitions Occupations Work

Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the priviledge.

Insults Intelligence

“If I let go of the ceiling it will collapse,” Tom upheld.

Tom Swifties

“I’m a lot taller than I was yesterday,” said Tom gruesomely.

Tom Swifties

I have taken many of God's blessings for granite.

Malaprops

“I wonder if I’d have better luck if I fished with a net,” Tom debated.

Tom Swifties

I hate to put you through all this rigor mortis.

Mixed metaphors

He is so ugly… when he walks into the bank they turn off the cameras.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Caffeine: One of the four basic food groups.

Definitions Food/Drink

”..,” said Tom blankly.

Tom Swifties

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Definitions Money

… quicker than any other slowdowns

Mixed metaphors

Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

Men People