Author: Anonymous Page 94

That tickled my fancy bone.

Mixed metaphors

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Ornery as an old pine knot

Expressions

Kiss: What the child gets free, the young man steals, and the old man buys.

Definitions

That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscrew.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

“I’m going window shopping,” said Tom listlessly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m wearing my wedding ring”, said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

Sleet: A slipcover.

Definitions Science/Weather

Punctuality: The art of arriving for an appointment just in time to be indignant at the tardiness of the other party.

Definitions Time

Cold War: Hot peace.

Conflict Definitions

Doubles: Tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing.

Definitions Sports

Cemetery: A place people are dying to get into.

Definitions

Many a man who misses an anniversary catches it later.

Marriage

Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.

Definitions

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

You could take that guy with a grain a salt.

Mixed metaphors

What a dirty trap!

Mixed metaphors

People were streaming out of town to escape the floods.

Mixed metaphors

You buttered your bread, now sleep in it!

Mixed metaphors

Educated Man: One who has finally discovered that there are some questions to which nobody has the answers.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Acupuncture: Waiting for a cure on pins and needles.

Miscellaneous