Author: Anonymous Page 95

Racehorse: A barn athlete.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Loose lips sink like a rock.

Mixed metaphors

As the smoke clears at the devastated detention centre, an investigation reveals how officials ignored the warnings that they were sitting on a powder keg.

Mixed metaphors

His nose is so big… he has to lift it to eat.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Childbirth: You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’

Definitions

Racehorse: A fast means of redistributing wealth.

Activities Definitions

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Nothing is so fallacious as facts, except figures.

Beliefs Facts

Deficit: What you have when you don’t have as much as if you had nothing.

Definitions Money

“I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer,” said Tom applauding.

Tom Swifties

Cravings: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Definitions

Forger: A man who made a name for himself.

Definitions

Don't bite the hand that lays the golden egg.

Mixed metaphors

She's skating on thin water.

Mixed metaphors

“Rasputin and I are lovers,” said Nicholas bizarrely.

Tom Swifties

“I see,” said Tom icily.

Tom Swifties

Jesus loves him, but he is the only one.

Expressions

“That’s not how you draw a circle,” he criticized her roundly.

Tom Swifties

Travel Brochure: A trip teaser.

Definitions

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health

It’s all moth-eared.

Malaprops