Author: Anonymous Page 95

“But a totalitarian government could remove all trace of my ever having existed!” said Tom unpersonably.

Tom Swifties

Can't find his ass with two hands and a flashlight

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Definitions Science/Weather

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

Parking Space: An unoccupied place on the other side of the street.

Definitions

It is so hot… by the time I got home from buying eggs, I had twelve chicks in the bag.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

So windy he could blow up an onion sack.

Communication Exaggerations Expressions Speech

Whether the glass is half-full or half empty, depends on whether you are drinking or pouring.

Situations

That’s a kettle of fish of a different color.

Mixed metaphors

Eskimos: God’s frozen people.

Definitions People

Stuff tends to break when it is loaned or borrowed.

Accidents Problems Things

You are not being diplomatic just because you put please in front of “Shut the hell up.”

Characteristics Situations

Did you hear what they feel?

Mixed metaphors

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Girls People Wordplay

Youth: That brief period, as distinguished from childhood or middle age, when the sexes talk to each other at a party.

Age Definitions People Young

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.

Education Insults

It is so hot… potatoes cook underground.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

If he were alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave.

Mixed metaphors

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

“That’s the last time I’ll stick my arm in a lion’s mouth,” the lion-tamer said off-handedly.

Tom Swifties

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People