Author: Anonymous Page 95

“This food tastes of plutonium,” said Tom glowingly.

Tom Swifties

Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Expressions Situations

Honesty: The fear of being caught.

Characteristics Definitions

It's as plain as the egg on your face.

Mixed metaphors

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

“I wish I had something to write with,” Tom said pensively.

Tom Swifties

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

When it comes to giving—some people stop at nothing.

Characteristics Money People

Jim Rosenthal to an American goalie: So what’s an American doing playing in goal for Millwall.

The goalie’s reply: I’m trying to keep the ball out.

Colemanballs

Ability: What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Definitions

They'll never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.

Mixed metaphors

Middle Age: A time of life when winking at a girl is closing one eye to reality.

Age Definitions

What he lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in stupidity.

Insults Intelligence Stupidity

Mason-Dixon Line: A geographical division between “you all” and “youse guys.”

Definitions Places

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

“I wouldn’t like anything but just that,” said Tom wantonly.

Tom Swifties

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Crime Definitions

“The cat sounds as if she’s happy now she’s been fed,” said Tom purposefully.

Tom Swifties

Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.

Definitions

 “My parents are called Billy and Nanny,” Tom kidded.

Tom Swifties