Author: Anonymous Page 95

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Diamond: A woman’s idea of a stepping stone to success.

Definitions Things

“I got demoted,” Tom admitted privately.

Tom Swifties

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

The first known case of a rat joining a sinking ship.

Insults

Spare the rod, spoil the broth.

Mixed metaphors

They live in a two-storage house.

Malaprops

Belong: To take your time.

Definitions

Earthquake: A topographical error.

Definitions

“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.

Tom Swifties

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

Zipping one’s lips and throwing away the key

Mixed metaphors

“Pretend we were in the days before railways,” Tom coached.

Tom Swifties

Swingin' my legs from a dime

Expressions

A salesman told viewers that a keyboard would teach your mind's eye to play by ear.

Mixed metaphors

Savages: People who don’t know what is wrong until missionaries show them.

Definitions People

Beware of the half truth… you may have gotten hold of the wrong half.

Beliefs Honesty Truth

You can’t have your hill and die on it too.

Mixed metaphors

If we are not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?

Animals Food/Drink

Discretion: A sense that comes to a man too late to do him any good.

Definitions