Author: Anonymous Page 95

Out of the frying pan, into a handbasket.

Mixed metaphors

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

Definitions Golf Sports

“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.

Tom Swifties

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Definitions

Among the propensities of humans which almost exceed understanding come the parsimony of the rich and the extravagance of the poor.

Money Poverty Wealth

Television Programming: Material that fills the time between commercials.

Definitions Entertainment

A loose tongue spoils the broth.

Mixed metaphors

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

Definitions

She has a four-pocket backend.

Appearance Expressions Fat

Keep paying the electricity bill.

Health

Pun: A short quip followed by a long groan.

Definitions

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

He is so short… he poses for trophies.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.

Children Family

“Why do you bother? I for one couldn’t….,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

Both of my children had the chicken pops when they were young.

Health Malaprops

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Language Science/Weather

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

Age Old

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations