Author: Anonymous Page 96

“You have the right to remain silent,” said Tom arrestingly.

Tom Swifties

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

People

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

Children Family Sex Wordplay

Conscience: An inner voice that warns us somebody is watching.

Definitions

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

Constant change is here to stay.

Situations

“I couldn’t believe there were 527,986 bees in the swarm!” Tom recounted.

Tom Swifties

Time rolled up like a scroll, while the plague nibbled at the edges of their years.

Mixed metaphors

You can’t have your hill and die on it too.

Mixed metaphors

I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.

Children Family

I'm sweating like a bullet.

Mixed metaphors

That sure did take the steam out of his sails.

Misspokements

“I caught two hares”, said Tom abrasively.

Tom Swifties

Hey, watch this!

Death Definitions Last words

I could hear footprints.

Malaprops

She has bigger dogs to fry.

Mixed metaphors

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Emotions Fear Happiness

Some folks are so highly educated they can bore you on any subject.

Education

It looks like the cows have come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Communication