Author: Anonymous Page 96

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

He is so fat… his driver's license says, “picture continued on other side.”

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.

Definitions

I'd walk a mile in a camel's shoes to pass through the eye of a needle.

Mixed metaphors

Temptation: Something which, when resisted, gives happiness and which, when yielded to, gives even greater happiness.

Definitions

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Definitions Men People

An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be.

Characteristics People

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

Bill Collector: A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again.

Definitions

Cold War: Hot peace.

Conflict Definitions

Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.

Definitions

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two being goulash and squid.

Definitions Food/Drink

Ignoramus: Someone who doesn’t know something that you learned yesterday.

Definitions Intelligence

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Definitions

He’s so lazy, he’d marry a pregnant woman.

Characteristics Expressions

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions

Adverse: Promotional jingle.

Definitions

She was drop down gorgeous.

Mixed metaphors

“It has zero height, zero width, and just a little depth,” said Tom, stretching the point.

Tom Swifties

I can't answer that – it's out of my water.

Mixed metaphors

Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the piano needs to be moved.

Work