Author: Anonymous Page 96

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Housework Work

Classical Jazz: Rock of ages.

Definitions Music

He's trying to gain a foothold in the public eye.

Mixed metaphors

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Dating Definitions Relationships

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

Malaprops

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Communication Definitions Science/Weather

Fiddling with his guitar

Mixed metaphors

Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.

Definitions People

He can cry on a dime.

Mixed metaphors

Financial Wizard: A person who can earn money faster than the family can spend it.

Definitions Money

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

“I’ve stuck a pin through my nose,” said Tom punctually.

Tom Swifties

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Definitions

He is so fat… in the summer he can sell shade.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Slogan: A good old American substitute for the facts.

Definitions

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Definitions

Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.

Mixed metaphors

“I can no longer hear anything,” said Tom deftly.

Tom Swifties

She’s not the toughest cookie on the block.

Mixed metaphors

“Pass the playing cards,” said Tom ideally.

Tom Swifties