Author: Anonymous Page 96

I have taken many of God's blessings for granite.

Malaprops

The head of the body overseeing youth justice…

Mixed metaphors

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

During exams you are permitted to look down for inspiration and up in exasperation, but you are not permitted to look side to side for information.

Education

“I’ve paid my annual subscription,” Tom remembered.

Tom Swifties

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Definitions

He received a decease and desist order.

Malaprops

Clergyman: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.

Definitions Occupations

They’re diabolically opposed.

Malaprops

“This game is foul,” Tom groused.

Tom Swifties

Get the kinks rolling

Mixed metaphors

Forget that guy – just illiterate him from your memory.

Malaprops

Taxpayer: One who doesn’t have to pass a civil service exam to work for the government.

Definitions Government Taxes Work

Kleenex: Your daily nose-paper.

Definitions

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

My girlfriend says that she thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover, but she hasn’t been able to catch him at it!

Marriage Sex

“I hate math,” Tom added.

Tom Swifties

He was just a splash in the pan.

Mixed metaphors

His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.

Autos Exaggerations Things

That's putting the chicken before the cart.

Mixed metaphors

That tickled my fancy bone.

Mixed metaphors