Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 96
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Anonymous
Housework
Work
Sweep
Classical Jazz: Rock of ages.
Anonymous
Definitions
Music
Classical Jazz
He's trying to gain a foothold in the public eye.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.
Anonymous
Dating
Definitions
Relationships
Courtesy
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the
liar.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Lyre
Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Science/Weather
Science fiction
Fiddling with his guitar
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Neurotic
He can cry on a dime.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Financial Wizard: A person who can earn money faster than the family can spend it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Financial Wizard
Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they started earning more than public school teachers.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Sanitation Worker
“I’ve stuck a pin through my nose,” said Tom punctually.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.
Anonymous
Definitions
Diplomacy
He is so fat… in the summer he can sell shade.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Fat
Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.
Anonymous
Definitions
Husbands
Marriage
Groom
Slogan: A good old American substitute for the facts.
Anonymous
Definitions
Slogan
Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Footnote
Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“I can no longer hear anything,” said Tom deftly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
She’s not the toughest cookie on the block.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“Pass the playing cards,” said Tom ideally.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
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