Author: Anonymous Page 96

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Classical Jazz: Rock of ages.

He's trying to gain a foothold in the public eye.

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Fiddling with his guitar

Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.

He can cry on a dime.

Financial Wizard: A person who can earn money faster than the family can spend it.

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

“I’ve stuck a pin through my nose,” said Tom punctually.

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

He is so fat… in the summer he can sell shade.

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Slogan: A good old American substitute for the facts.

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.

“I can no longer hear anything,” said Tom deftly.

She’s not the toughest cookie on the block.

“Pass the playing cards,” said Tom ideally.