Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 96
Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Conscience
He is so fat… his driver's license says, “picture continued on other side.”
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Fat
Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.
Anonymous
Definitions
Good Neighbor
I'd walk a mile in a camel's shoes to pass through the eye of a needle.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Temptation: Something which, when resisted, gives happiness and which, when yielded to, gives even greater happiness.
Anonymous
Definitions
Temptation
Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
People
Gentleman
An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be.
Anonymous
Characteristics
People
Optimist
Pessimists
Obsolete: Any computer you own.
Anonymous
Computers
Definitions
Things
Obsolete
Bill Collector: A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bill Collector
Cold War: Hot peace.
Anonymous
Conflict
Definitions
Cold war
Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.
Anonymous
Definitions
Revolutionary
Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two being goulash and squid.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Yogurt
Ignoramus: Someone who doesn’t know something that you learned yesterday.
Anonymous
Definitions
Intelligence
Ignoramus
Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.
Anonymous
Definitions
Kiss
He’s so lazy, he’d marry a pregnant woman.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Expressions
Laziness
Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.
Anonymous
Definitions
Celebrity
Adverse: Promotional jingle.
Anonymous
Definitions
Adverse: Promotional jingle
She was drop down gorgeous.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“It has zero height, zero width, and just a little depth,” said Tom, stretching the point.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
I can't answer that – it's out of my water.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Knowledge
Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the piano needs to be moved.
Anonymous
Work
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