Author: Anonymous Page 96

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

I don’t dance, but I’d love to hold you while you do.

Dance Entertainment

By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

Age Old Situations

“I won’t stand for painting,” said Tom uneasily.

Tom Swifties

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

Philosophy: Common sense in a dress suit.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Photostatic memory

Malaprops

Yardstick: One foot on each side and one in the middle.

Definitions

The real estate agent can give you all the perpendiculars of this listing.

Malaprops

Fine Print: A clause for suspicion.

Definitions

The only man who can fool all the women all the time is a fashion designer.

Appearance Clothing People Women

“I only use one herb when I cook,” said Tom sagely.

Tom Swifties

You can’t change the spots on an old dog.

Mixed metaphors

Dilemma: A politician trying to save both his faces at once.

Definitions Politicians Problems

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

Having one wife is called monotony.

Malaprops Marriage

“Who left the toilet seat down?” Tom asked peevishly.

Tom Swifties

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Age Exaggerations Old

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Activities Definitions Shopping

It is so hot… I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Trojan Horse: A phony pony.

Definitions