Author: Anonymous Page 97

Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.

Congress Definitions Government

Delta: A river with its mouth full of mud.

Definitions

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Definitions Things

He’s a man without an island.

Mixed metaphors

“I can see because I have actual visual organs,” Tom realized.

Tom Swifties

Optimist: Someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.

Definitions

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Age Definitions

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men

If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.

Work

Hospital Bed: A parked taxi with the meter running.

Definitions

I'm going to have to kick it off by hand.

Mixed metaphors

Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.

Food/Drink Men People

Agent: Someone who believes an actor takes 85 percent of his money.

Acting Definitions Entertainment

Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Definitions

You've gotta stick your neck out on a limb sometimes.

Mixed metaphors

“Another plate of seafood for me!” Tom clamored.

Tom Swifties

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

Definitions

Igloo: An icicle built for two.

Definitions

Diet Drink/Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Definitions Food/Drink

“Get out of here!” said Tom believingly.

Tom Swifties

Plan to be spontaneous… tomorrow.

Characteristics Time