Author: Anonymous Page 97

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

Animals Dogs Education

“I’m putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses,” Tom summarized.

Tom Swifties

Antipathy: The sentiment inspired by one’s friend’s friend.

Definitions

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.

Animals Definitions

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.

Definitions Family

War without France would be like… World War II.

Conflict Places War

We are beating a dead drum.

Mixed metaphors

Stroke-Of-Luck: Hole-in-One.

Definitions Golf Sports

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Characteristics Definitions

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health

Zebra: A horse behind bars.

Animals Definitions

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people – you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

Characteristics People

Kiss: What the child gets free, the young man steals, and the old man buys.

Definitions

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

He is so stupid… it takes him an hour to cook Minute Rice.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Constant change is here to stay.

Situations

“For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful,” said Tom gracefully.

Tom Swifties

That will round out the triangle.

Mixed metaphors

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

Have no delusions about the past.

Malaprops

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat