Author: Anonymous Page 97

She is so stupid… she stared at an orange juice carton for twenty minutes because the label said "concentrate."

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

I wish I could play my normal game… just once.

Golf Sports

Rhetoric: Language in a dress suit.

Definitions Language

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Health

“This pencil tip is dull,” she said pointedly.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve mailed the letter,” Tom assented.

Tom Swifties

Politics: Where people work hard to get a job and do nothing after they get it.

Definitions Government Politics

Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.

Situations

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

Education School

We wanted to help the indiguous people of the country.

Malaprops

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

Appearance Definitions

Gossip: One with a keen sense of rumor.

Definitions

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

Definitions Money

I sink, therefore I swam.

Activities Communication Wordplay

“Do you think I’m a dull person?” Tom asked bluntly.

Tom Swifties

Peeping Tom: A window fan.

Definitions Wordplay

The most dangerous killer in the animals of crime.

Malaprops

“That city will never be rebuilt,” the prophets babble on.


Tom Swifties

Don't corner something that is meaner than you.

Expressions Situations