Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 98
Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.
Anonymous
Definitions
Science/Weather
Psychology
American Way: Using instant coffee to dawdle away an hour.
Anonymous
Definitions
American Way
Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Games
Childish Games
Optimist: Someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.
Anonymous
Definitions
Optimist
You need more sugar to get your brain circulating.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but you still have to mow it.
Anonymous
Situations
“This is where I keep my arrows,” said Tom quiveringly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.
Anonymous
Places
Situations
World
Bathroom
Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.
Anonymous
Definitions
Elections/Voting
Government
Unopposed candidate
Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.
Anonymous
Situations
Sleep
Naps
Worries
Clergyman: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Clergyman
“I don’t want to rewrite this in prose,” said Tom aversely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
A bird in the hand is worth two in the
tush.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Bush
“Doctor, why do you have to remove my womb?” asked Mary hysterically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Grandparents
Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.
Anonymous
Body
Definitions
Men
Penis
Dark Ages: Knight time.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dark Ages
Parents are embarrassed when their children tell lies, and even more embarrassed when they tell the truth.
Anonymous
Children
Communication
Family
Honesty
Lies
Speech
Truth
Embarrassment
Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Bank
Like a four-horned billy goat
Anonymous
Expressions
Proud
Showing off
Summer Camps: Those places where little boys go for mother’s vacation.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Summer Camps
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