Author: Anonymous Page 98

“I won’t buy a circuit breaker,” Tom refused.

Tom Swifties

“Get out of here!” said Tom believingly.

Tom Swifties

Shivers of joy running up and down my throat

Mixed metaphors

Younger Generation: A group that is alike in many disrespects.

Age Definitions People Young

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest.

Mixed metaphors

A day without sunshine is like… well, night.

Situations Time

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

“I had an accident in the kitchen,” said Tom with panache.

Tom Swifties

“I’m halfway up a mountain,” Tom alleged.

Tom Swifties

A rolling stone gathers momentum.

Science/Weather Situations

I don't want to hold an open manhole over your head.

Mixed metaphors

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

Bookie: A pickpocket who lets you use your own hands.

Definitions

Wedding Ring: A one-man band.

Definitions Marriage

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

Alcohol is ok in modification.

Alcohol Food/Drink Malaprops

Abort: To correct a misconception.

Definitions

“I cut off the bottoms of my Levis so they won’t drag on the ground,” said Tom hygienically.

Tom Swifties

You continue to cloudy the water.

Mixed metaphors

… has eaten into the grocery chain’s luxury food side.

Mixed metaphors