Author: Anonymous Page 98

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions

Dictatorship: A system of government where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory.

Definitions Government

Accident: A thing that is caused by people, but often causes people.

Accidents Definitions Problems

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Let’s split the baby with the bathwater.

Mixed metaphors

Propaganda: Patriotism as practiced by our enemies.

Communication Definitions

He is so old… he owes Jesus a quarter.

Age Exaggerations Old

Taking over the reigns of leadership.

Malaprops

He is so fat… he has group insurance.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

Mixed metaphors

A truly reckless driver is one who passes you when you are already exceeding the speed limit.

Activities Driving

“This mental ward is busy,” said Tom crazily.

Tom Swifties

Skeptic: One who won’t take know for an answer.

Definitions People

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs; I think of them as stray eyebrows.

Appearance

“The radio reception is much better now,” said Tom ecstatically.

Tom Swifties

Slang: Language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.

Communication Definitions Language

“The cat sounds as if she’s happy now she’s been fed,” said Tom purposefully.

Tom Swifties

Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.

Beliefs Definitions People

Bachelor: A man who has faults he doesn’t know about.

Definitions Men People

Derange: Where de buffalo roam.

Definitions