Author: Anonymous Page 98

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Pedal stool.

Malaprops

Their relationship was purely plutonic.

Malaprops Relationships

Brothel: Home is where the tart is.

Definitions

Dance: The action of moving rhythmically to music with a partner, a skill which a woman possesses naturally, but which a man acquires only for the short time in his young adulthood when he wishes to meet and impress young women, and abandons thereafter due to mysterious knee injuries.

Dance Definitions Entertainment

Loved Ben, hated Hur.

Reviews/Criticism

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

I guess the foot’s on the other hand now!

Mixed metaphors

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

“Have some shampoo,” was Tom’s unconditional offer.

Tom Swifties

I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.

Appearance Body Fat

The cost of the hairdo is directly related to the strength of the wind.

Appearance Hair Murphy’s Laws

“It’s not a candy mint, it’s a breath mint”, Tom asserted.

Tom Swifties

Proud as a dog with two tails

Characteristics Expressions

Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.

Situations

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Definitions

Rugby: A game played by gentlemen with odd-shaped balls.

Definitions Sports

He's like a cat out of water

Mixed metaphors

“It only looks like cocaine,” Tom snorted.

Tom Swifties

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing