Author: Anonymous Page 98

AAA-AA: A club for people who are being driven to drink.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Money can't buy everything… but then again, neither can no money.

Money

She is so slow… she has to speed up to stop.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50–50 it will.

Situations

No two people in a car can agree on which window should be open… and how much.

Autos Things

Fountain pen: A writing instrument that works marvelously in the store.

Definitions Things

I can’t make these split-minute decisions.

Mixed metaphors

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions

Diplomat: A person who can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.

Definitions

Marriage is bliss… Ignorance is bliss… Ergo…

Emotions Happiness Marriage

Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing.

Expressions Work

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

Definitions

Dime: A dollar with all the taxes taken out.

Definitions Money

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Definitions Marriage Wordplay

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

He’s still green behind the ears.

Mixed metaphors

Impossible Lie: In golf, a ball that is in a position that is both completely obstructed by an immovable object and continuously observed by an incorruptible player.

Definitions Golf Sports

They start with all that sucking and blowing and in the end you lose your house.

Marriage

That room was so small you couldn’t cuss a cat without gettting fur in your mouth!

Expressions

What he lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in stupidity.

Insults Intelligence Stupidity

“There, there,” was Tom’s pat answer.

Tom Swifties