Author: Anonymous Page 99

A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

Marriage

Teacher: A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

Children Definitions Education

“I’m from Missouri,” Tom stated.

Tom Swifties

Girdle: Accessory after the fat.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

Pedal stool.

Malaprops

Originality: Undetected plagiarism.

Definitions

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

She is so stupid… she stared at an orange juice carton for twenty minutes because the label said "concentrate."

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m the butcher’s assistant,” said Tom cuttingly.

Tom Swifties

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Characteristics

When sleeping dogs fly.

Mixed metaphors

“I can see through the window,” said Tom stiltedly.

Tom Swifties

She's so fat… when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Definitions Government Politicians

Democracy: A small hard core of common agreement, surrounded by a rich variety of individual difference.

Definitions Democracy Government

Learned Fool: One who has read everything, and simply remembered it.

Definitions Intelligence

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women

Spine: A long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set on the other.

Definitions

Not without a grain of sugar

Mixed metaphors

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice for all

Mixed metaphors