Author: Anonymous Page 99

Miser: One who’s perfectly content to let the rest of the world go buy.

Definitions

“For goodness sakes, use a broom,” Tom bristled.

Tom Swifties

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions

“There’s someone at the front door,” Tom chimed in.

Tom Swifties

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Education Religion School

He's too lazy to scratch his own ass.

Characteristics Expressions

Taxes: A funding method which allows people to test their powers of deduction.

Definitions Taxes

Short Vacation: Half a loaf.

Activities Definitions

“Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers,” said Tom soothingly.

Tom Swifties

Anonymous: The worlds most popular author.

Definitions

Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Children Definitions Family

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family

Discretion: Being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.

Definitions

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Definitions Marriage

“Melinda broke my heart,” Tom said half-heartedly.

Tom Swifties

Eulogy: Praise that’s too much and too late.

Death Definitions

Telemarketer: A minimum waged person who calls a bunch of people on a list to sell them something that they probably don’t need, and gets hung up on because the person being called usually has a mouth full of food.

Definitions Occupations

Wig: A convertible top.

Appearance Definitions Hair

“We just struck oil!” Tom gushed.

Tom Swifties

Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.

Characteristics