Author: Anonymous Page 99

With Lenny in, Carl will fold like a domino!

Mixed metaphors

Good punctuation means not to be late.

Malaprops Time

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Characteristics

He was about as useless as the Pope's testicles.

Insults

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

Censor: A person who sticks his noes into other people’s business.

Definitions

Always remember: golf clubs don’t float.

Golf Sports

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Food/Drink Money Success

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Activities Definitions

He was a very immortal person.

Characteristics Malaprops

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

A rolling stone catches the worm.

Mixed metaphors

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

Health

Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.

Definitions

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Malaprops

Chiropractor: A doctor who works his fingers to the bone… yours.

Definitions Doctors

There's light at the end of this rainbow.

Mixed metaphors

Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.

Definitions Work

I’d like to be sitting in his shoes.

Mixed metaphors

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions