Author: Anonymous Page 99

“I’ve gained thirty pounds,” said Tom heavily.

Tom Swifties

Let dead dogs sleep.

Mixed metaphors

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Activities Definitions

 “Your Honor, you’re crazy!” said Tom judgmentally.

Tom Swifties

Wig: A convertible top.

Appearance Definitions Hair

He's a pretty sharp cookie.

Mixed metaphors

Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Definitions Money

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

Definitions Money

Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.

Definitions People

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

Communication Language

Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.

Definitions

Gold Digger: A fund-loving girl.

Definitions

Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.

Definitions

You've buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

She raped him in a blanket.

Malaprops Situations

“I won’t play for this team any longer,” Tom decided.

Tom Swifties

He'll take your head off at the blink of a hat.

Mixed metaphors

Justice: A decision in your favor.

Definitions

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors