Author: Anonymous Page 99

Right now, I couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons.

Sex Situations

He’s a man without an island.

Mixed metaphors

Scissors: A piece maker.

Definitions Things

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Cold War: Hot peace.

Conflict Definitions

He ran a cottage industry from his garden shed.

Mixed metaphors

“Why don’t you have some fruit?”, asked Tom with aplomb.

Tom Swifties

About the only redeeming features of The Sweetest Thing is that for a few minutes of the film, Cameron Diaz cavorts around in her underwear, and also sings a song about penises… and even that’s not half as good as it sounds on paper.

Reviews/Criticism

“Watch out for that broken glass!” she said sharply.

Tom Swifties

Knitting: An exercise that gives women something to do when they are talking.

Activities Definitions

Smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch

Appearance Expressions

“I can’t do it!” Tom said notably.

Tom Swifties

Some people hear voices; some see invisible people; others have no imagination whatsoever.

Intelligence Mind Situations

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

Insanity: Knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.

Definitions

She has a four-pocket backend.

Appearance Expressions Fat

“All right – we’ll use a water solution”, Tom acquiesced.

Tom Swifties

Toastmaster: A gentleman who introduces a gentleman who needs no introduction.

Definitions

Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.

Definitions Food/Drink

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Communication Language

What a messy house. How can they live in such squander.

Malaprops