Author: Anonymous Page 99

“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.

Tom Swifties

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Definitions Future Time

Patience: The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.

Characteristics Definitions

They try to balance a fine line.

Mixed metaphors

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Definitions

“The doctor had to remove a bone from my arm,” said Tom humorlessly.

Tom Swifties

Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.

Definitions Places

Book Jacket: A fable of contents.

Definitions

“There’s no place for the kitchen sink,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

Education: One of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Definitions Education

Which way are the tea leaves blowing?

Mixed metaphors

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Education Religion School

Diamond: One of the hardest substances known to man – especially the payments on one.

Definitions Things

Loose lips sink like a rock.

Mixed metaphors

Artist’s Model: A girl unsuited for her work.

Definitions

Acrobat: The person who turns a flop into a success.

Definitions

These two guys are cut out of the same mold.

Mixed metaphors

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Life

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

You’re fighting upstream.

Mixed metaphors

Hell hath no fury like a wet cat.

Mixed metaphors