Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 99
“I’ve gained thirty pounds,” said Tom heavily.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Let dead dogs sleep.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Boat
Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Fishing
“Your Honor, you’re crazy!” said Tom judgmentally.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Wig: A convertible top.
Anonymous
Appearance
Definitions
Hair
Wig
He's a pretty sharp cookie.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Debt
Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Inflation
Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Fanatics
Bad spellers of the world, untie!
Anonymous
Communication
Language
Spelling
Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.
Anonymous
Definitions
Revolutionary
Gold Digger: A fund-loving girl.
Anonymous
Definitions
Gold Digger
Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.
Anonymous
Definitions
Parole
You've buttered your bread, now lie in it.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
She
raped
him in a blanket.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Situations
Wrapped
“I won’t play for this team any longer,” Tom decided.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
He'll take your head off at the blink of a hat.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Justice: A decision in your favor.
Anonymous
Definitions
Justice
Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.
Anonymous
Definitions
Martial Arts
I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
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