Author: Classified ad Page 13

Sterling Optical – FREE eye with Purchase of a Prescription Pair of Eyeglasses

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Friday Night Feed – 5:30 PM to 7:00 PM – September 19 – VIGINA BAKED HAM – Hosted by the Auxillary Club

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Unique Ford – only 5 minutes from Bedford – Just Across from the Women’s Prison

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TALKING DOG, speaks 4 languages, only $50. 309-693-….

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Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

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DO YOU USE COUPONS? Up to $20 worth FREE Grocery Coupons. Choose From over 1,200 Name Brands. Grocery Coupon Book $24.95

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$5.95 -or- $15/mo.

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FOR RENT: 6 room hated apartment.

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Landscaping Labor – the new Green Party…

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Free internet access … $99.

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Garage sale: Come and partake of the drapes of wrath, sofas choice, star dreck, broken china syndrome, laricats of wire and rubble without cause.

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Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

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Lost/Found – FOUND – HOMING PIGEON – Call to describe and collect.

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Cute kitten for sale. Two cents or best offer.

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MATH-A-THON – Its As Easy As A-B-C…

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Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

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Dillards 60% off Christmas Sale! – From December 14–21 Dillards will be having the largest sale of the year on cloths, toys, fits, household items, furniture and jewelry, shoes, hats, mens wear and evening wear, just in time for Christmas! There will be a Special Appearance by Satan between the hours of 5pm until 9pm for your kids!… [sic]

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Wednesday, September 21 – Ball-A-Palooza! 5000 golf balls will be dropped from a helicopter for a chance to win great prizes. Sponsored by the N.E.W. Curative Rehabilitation, Inc. with all proceeds going directly into the Brain Injury Program…

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PENIS ENLARGEMENT – Viagra & Testosterone – Dr. Joel Kaplan’s FDA Cleeard Medical Vaccuum Pumps. Gain 103 inches Safe and Permanent. Call… [sic]

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Give Dad What He Always Wanted! A Weekend For Both of You in The Nude. • We Set The Mood. You Provide The romance. • They are back… Paradise Valley Resort – Georgia’s Premier Clothing Optional Resort – 3 pools • 2 hot tubs • NO CLOTHING! – Day Visitors Welcome …

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It Takes Many Ingredients to Make Burger King Great But… “The Secret Ingredient is Our People”

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