Author: Epitaph Page 19

Here lies a man who while he lived was happy as a linnet. He always lied while on the earth and now he's lying in it.

Epitaphs

Don't worry, I'm merely catching up with sleep.

Epitaphs Situations Sleep

He never won immortal fame, nor conquered earthly ills, but men weep for him all the same, he always paid his bills.

Epitaphs

This debt I owe is justly due, and I am come to sleep with you.

Epitaphs

Ruth and Johnny, Side by side, Went out for an auto ride, They hit a bump. Ruth hit a tree, And John kept going – Ruthlessly.

Epitaphs

I don’t want to talk about it now.

Epitaphs

Here lies Donnie Cornwell, good and dead. In an extra large coffin to fit his extra large head.

Epitaphs

Sh-h-h

Epitaphs

Stephen and Time are now both even. Stephen beat Time and now Time's beat Stephen.

Epitaphs

He who dies with the most toys wins

Epitaphs

A peerless matron, pride of female life In every state, as widow, maid, or wife; who wedded, to threescore preserved her fame. She lived a phoenix, and expired in flame.

Epitaphs

A rum cough carried him off.

Epitaphs

Cast a cold eye on life, on death. Horseman, pass by!

Epitaphs

Gone Underground For Good

Epitaphs

Here I lie at the chancel door – And I lie here because I am poor; – For the farther in the more you pay, – But here I lie as warm as they.

Epitaphs

Ebenezer Dockwood aged forty seven. A miser and a hypocrite and never went to Heaven.

Epitaphs

Sacred to twins Charlie and Varlie. Sons of loving parents who died in infancy.

Epitaphs

Beneath this stone lies Lamb asleep, who died a Lamb who lived a sheep. Many a lamb and sheep he slaughtered but cruel Death the scene has altered.

Epitaphs

When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.

Epitaphs

Whether sailor or not, for a moment avast, poor Tom's mizzen topsail is laid to the mast; he'll never turn out, or more heave the lead; he's now all aback, nor will sails shoot ahead. He ever was brisk, and tho' now gone to wreck. When he hears the last whistle, he'll jump upon deck.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of poor Aunt Charlotte. Born a virgin, died a harlot. For 16 years she kept her virginity, a damn'd long time for this vicinity.

Epitaphs