Author: Epitaph Page 2

These hillocks green and mouldering bones, these gloomy tombs and lettered stones. One admonition here supply: Reader! art thou prepared to die?

Epitaphs

He was a simple man who died of complications.

Epitaphs

Beneath this silent tomb is laid, a noisy antiquated maid, who from her cradle talked till death, and ne'er before was out of breath.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Jonathan Near Whose mouth it stretched from ear to ear. Tread softly, stranger, o'er this wonder, For if he yawns, you're gone, by thunder.

Epitaphs

When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.

Epitaphs

This is to the memory of Ellen Hill, a woman who would always have her will. She snubbed her husband but she made good bread. Yet on the whole he’s rather glad she’s dead. She whipped her children and she drank her gin, whipped virtue out and whipped the devil in. May all such women go to some great fold, where they through all eternity may scold.

Epitaphs

Here lies one Wood enclosed in wood. One Wood within another. The outer wood Is very good: we cannot praise the other.

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Here I lie, taken from life.

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Weep not for me mother & brothers dear, It is God's wish that I am here. At my sweet age I swallowed a bone That sent me to a happy home.

Epitaphs

Jeffrey Bottom – His wife was constantly scolding and scoffing , so he sought for repose in a 12 coin coffin

Epitaphs

RUSSELL J. LARSEN – Two things I love most, good horses and beautiful women, and when I die I hope they tan this old hide of mine, and make it into a ladies riding saddle, so I can rest in peace between the two things I love.

Epitaphs

He had six bullets but he needed seven.

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Here lies the body of John Smith. Buried in the cloisters. If he don't jump at the last trump, call, Oysters!

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Martha Dias, Who was always uneasy and not over pious, She liv'd to the age of threescore and ten, And gave that to the worms she refus'd to the men.

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Here lies Dead Tom

Epitaphs

Faults I May Have – Being Wrong is Not One of Them

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At last I get top billing.

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Sacred to the memory of William Skaradon who came to his death by being shot with a Colts revolver, one of the old kind brass mounted and of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Epitaphs

Here lies Granny Beth Sue Choked to death On Redman Chew

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… With patience wait perforce to die And in a short time you'll come to I.

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Here lie I and my three daughters, All from drinking the Cheltenham waters. While if we had kept to the Epsom salts, We should not now be in these here vaults.

Epitaphs