Author: Epitaph Page 5

Here lie the bones of Joseph Jones who ate while he was able. But once overfed, he dropt down dead and fell beneath the table. When from the tomb, to meet his doom, he arises amidst sinners. Since he must dwell in heaven or hell, take him – whichever gives the best dinners.

Epitaphs

Fhebe Sprague. – In the sixteenth year of her age, – Natively quick and spry – As all young people be, – When God commands them down to dust, – How quick they drop you see.

Epitaphs

The death angel struck Alexander McGlue and gave him protracted repose; he wore a checked shirt and a No. 9 shoe And had a pink wart on his nose. No doubt he is happy a-dwelling in space over on the evergreen shore. His friends are informed that his funeral takes place at precisely a quarter past four.

Epitaphs

Here lies John Taggart, of honest fame, of stature low, and a leg lame; content he was with portion small, kept a shop in Wigtown, and that's all.

Epitaphs

Approach and read, now with your hats on, for here lies Bailie William Watson; who was famous for his thinking, and moderation in his drinking.

Epitaphs

My candle burns at both ends, – It will not last the night, – But Oh, my foes, – And Ah, my friends, – It gives a lovely light

Epitaphs

Life is a jest, and all things show it; I thought so once and now I know it.

Epitaphs

I don’t want to talk about it now.

Epitaphs

#$%& @!&% #?!$% @?*&!@^#!* @*$! &!%?

Epitaphs

Stephen and Time are now both even. Stephen beat Time and now Time's beat Stephen.

Epitaphs

“I’m just resting my eyes”

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of John Round. Lost at sea and never found.

Epitaphs

He called Bill Smith a liar

Epitaphs

Praises on tombs are trifles vainly spent; a man's good name is his best monument.

Epitaphs

The Lord was good I was lopping off wood – And down fell from a tree. – I met with a check that broke my neck – And so God lopped off me.

Epitaphs

Here lieth father Sparges, who died to save charges.

Epitaphs

Tabitha wife of Moses Fledger Aged 55 – We shall miss thee, mother (Job printing neatly done.)

Epitaphs

“Here lies my wife in earthy mold, Who when she died and naught but scold. Good friends go softly in your walking lest she should wake and rise up talking”

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of John Mound, lost at sea and never found.

Epitaphs

Here lies Dodge, who dodged all good, and dodged a deal of evil. But after dodging all he could, he could not dodge the devil.

Epitaphs

Peter Letig was his name, Heaven I hope his station, Baltimore was his dwelling place and Christ is his salvation.

Epitaphs