Author: Epitaph Page 8

Go away – I’m asleep.

Epitaphs

Was suddenly killed at early dawn, July 4th, 1842, by the explosion of a small canon, aged 15 years

Epitaphs

If Heaven be pleased when sinners cease to sin, if Hell be pleased when sinners enter in, if Earth be pleased when ridded of a knave, then all are pleased for Coleman’s in his grave.

Epitaphs

I've finally stopped getting dumber.

Epitaphs

Here lies Dr Keene, the good Bishop of Chester, who eat up a fat goose, but could not digest her.

Epitaphs

Weep not for me mother & brothers dear, It is God's wish that I am here. At my sweet age I swallowed a bone That sent me to a happy home.

Epitaphs

I knew if I stayed around long enough, something like this would happen

Epitaphs

John and Lydia, that blooming pair, a whale killed him and her body lies here.

Epitaphs

Under this yew tree, buried would he be, because his father – he planted this yew tree.

Epitaphs

Don’t Talk So Damn Dumb

Epitaphs

"Here lies my husband – what else is new"

Epitaphs

He found a rope and picked it up, and with it walked away. It happened that to tother end, a horse was hitched, they say. They took the rope and tied it up, unto a hickory limb. It happened that the tother end, was somehow hitched to him.

Epitaphs

Here lies England's premier baron, – Patiently awaiting the last trump.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Jonathan Stout. He fell in the water and never got out, And still is supposed to be floating about.

Epitaphs

Alass Frend Joseph, His End was Almost Sudden, as thou the mandate came express from heaven his foot it slip and he did fall help, help he cries & that was all.

Epitaphs

Due to lack of ground in this cemetery, two bodies are buried in this one plot. One of them was a politician, the other was an honest man.

Epitaphs

Here lies the bones of Eichard Lawton – Whose death alas I was strangely brought on. – Trying his corns one day to mow off. – His razor slipped and cut his toe off. – His toe or rather what it grew to, – An inflimation quickly flew to. – Which took alas to mortifying – And was the cause of Eichards dying.

Epitaphs

Beneath this stone a lump of clay, lies Uncle Peter Dan'els – who early in the month of May, took off his winter flannels.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Miriam Wood, formerly wife to John Smith. A woman well beloved of all her neighbors for her care of small folks' education, their number being great, that when she died she scarcely left her mate: so wise discreet was her behaviours that she was well esteemed by neighbors. She lived in love with all to die so let her rest to eternitye.

Epitaphs

Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H20 was H2SO4.

Epitaphs

There once was a man named Don, who fell asleep out on his lawn. They thought he was pretending to be dead, then a tombstone fell on his head. And now Don is long gone.

Epitaphs