Author: Epitaph Page 9

Here lies my wife in earthly mould, who when she lived did naught but scold. Peace! Wake her not, for now she’s still, she had; but now I have my will.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Samuel Crane – He ran a race with a passenger train. He got to the crossing and almost across. Sam and his car was a total loss. Sams spirit now tolls his knell. That Sam is on his way to well – If he only took time to stop look and listen, He'd be living now instead of missing

Epitaphs

Here lies my wife, here lies she; Hallelujah! Hallelujee!

Epitaphs

Here lies my wife in earthy mould, who when she lived did naught but scold. Peace! wake her not, for now she’s still; she had, but now I have my will.

Epitaphs

See how God works his wonders now and then, here lies a lawyer, and an honest man.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Robert Gordon, mouth almighty and teeth according. Stranger tread lightly on this wonder, if he opens his mouth you are gone to thunder.

Epitaphs

Here lies one Wood enclosed in wood. One Wood within another. The outer wood Is very good: we cannot praise the other.

Epitaphs

DOUBT – Martha Mae “Take the back roads!” • Bill – “It’s five o’clock somewhere!”

Epitaphs

Sacred to the memory of My husband John Barnes Who died January 3, 1803. His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted.

Epitaphs

Here lies the darling of his time – Mitchel expired in his prime. – Who four years short of forty seven – Was found full ripe and plucked for Heaven.

Epitaphs

H. L. Mencken 1880 – 1956 – If after I depart this vale you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner, and wink your eye at some homely girl

Epitaphs

Gone home below.

Epitaphs

Father and Mother and I choose to be buried asunder. Father and Mother here, and I buried yonder.

Epitaphs

Here lie the bones of Joseph Jones who ate while he was able. But once overfed, he dropt down dead and fell beneath the table. When from the tomb, to meet his doom, he arises amidst sinners. Since he must dwell in heaven or hell, take him – whichever gives the best dinners.

Epitaphs

Cold is my bed, but oh, I love it, – for colder are my friends above it.

Epitaphs

As a stranger she did die, in strange lands she doth lie. Here by strangers she was laid, and her funeral charges paid.

Epitaphs

Here lieth the body of my lovely dear wife Anne, who plays the poker machines whenever she can.

Epitaphs

Here lies Donnie Cornwell, good and dead. In an extra large coffin to fit his extra large head.

Epitaphs

Here I lie, my name is Ball, I lived, I died, despised by all; and now I cannot chew my crust, I'm gone back to my ancient dust.

Epitaphs

Pray for me, old Thomas Dunn, but if you don't, tis all one.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Miriam Wood, formerly wife to John Smith. A woman well beloved of all her neighbors for her care of small folks' education, their number being great, that when she died she scarcely left her mate: so wise discreet was her behaviours that she was well esteemed by neighbors. She lived in love with all to die so let her rest to eternitye.

Epitaphs