Author: Anonymous Murphy’s Law

Mother nature is a bitch.

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).

When you drop coins, the pennies will fall nearby, while all the others will roll out of sight.

Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the bread.

The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.

The mud that won’t come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.

When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.

Chaos always wins, because it’s better organized.

The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.

If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.

A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).

There is always a way… and it usually doesn’t work.

If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.

Whenever an expert is confounded by a seemingly insoluble problem, the solution is immediately obvious to the first unqualified person who happens along.

Whatever you want, you can’t have, what you can have, you don’t want.

If you are attempting the impossible, you will fail