Author: Anonymous Murphy’s Law

Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

The mud that won’t come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.

The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.

If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.

Whatever you want, you can’t have, what you can have, you don’t want.

If you are attempting the impossible, you will fail

Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right.

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.

Chaos always wins, because it’s better organized.

Mother nature is a bitch.

When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.

A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).

Whenever an expert is confounded by a seemingly insoluble problem, the solution is immediately obvious to the first unqualified person who happens along.

A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).

The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.

If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver’s side of your car windshield.

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the bread.

It will always break just when you need it the most.