Author: Abraham Lincoln

If you don’t want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Insults

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Marriage

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Future Time

I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Friends People Relationships Success Young

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance Body Characteristics

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Communication Fools Intelligence Speech

I have a simple philosophy; fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Intelligence

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Communication Education Ideas Insults Intelligence Speech

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?… Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Beliefs Dogs Honesty Truth

The trouble with Hooker is that he's got his headquarters where his hindquarters ought to be.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Insults

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance People

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Characteristics People

When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it’s best to let him run.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Animals Conflict

The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Government Law

A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Fear People Women

… as thin as the homeopathic soup that was made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had been starved to death.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Insults Reviews/Criticism

I have just read your dispatch about sore-tongued and fatigued horses; will you pardon me for asking what the horses of your army have done since the battle of Antietam that fatigues anything?

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Insults

I can make more generals, but horses cost money.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Animals Government Military Money

Tell me what brand of whiskey that Grant drinks; I would like to send a barrel of it to my other generals.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
People

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Animals Cats Conflict Fights

I don’t know who my grandfather was; I’m much more concerned to know who his grandson will be.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Family