Author: Alfred E. Neuman

If you lend someone an ear, don’t expect to be repaid with interest.

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Communication

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

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Characteristics Truth

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

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Intelligence People

Today, too many workers spend their time trying to make their weekends meet.

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Money Time

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

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Beliefs Opinion

Blood is thicker than water… but it makes lousy lemonade!

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Relationships

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

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Situations Things

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course.

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Golf Sports

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

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Conflict War

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

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Husbands Marriage

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Activities Relationships

You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!

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Death Life Situations

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

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Family Parents

The distance between many people’s ears is a block.

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Intelligence

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Mind Speech

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

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Characteristics Friends Old People

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

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Places

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

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Activities Family Relationships

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians