Author: Alfred E. Neuman

Too often, people who want to offer sound advice give more sound than advice!

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Communication Intelligence Speech

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

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Work

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

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Intelligence People

If you lend someone an ear, don’t expect to be repaid with interest.

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Communication

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

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Conflict Crime Government Politics

Fools rush in… and get the best seats.

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Fools Intelligence

It takes one to know one – and vice versa!

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Misspokements

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!

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Death Life Situations

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

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Mistakes Work

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

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Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

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Characteristics Truth

The distance between many people’s ears is a block.

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Intelligence

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

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Communication Conversation Speech

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

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Mistakes Problems Situations Time

You know the honeymoon's over when your dog brings your slippers, and your wife barks at you!

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Marriage

Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!

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People

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Family Relationships