Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 2

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

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Family Parents

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

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Intelligence People

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

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Situations Things

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

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Education Occupations Sleep

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

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Characteristics

Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?

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Government Money

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

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Mistakes Work

Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!

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Government Politicians

You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!

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Death Life Situations

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

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Activities Family Relationships

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

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Conflict Crime Money

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

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Communication Conversation Speech

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

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Communication Government Politics Speech

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

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Emotions Laughter

The dollar will never fall as low as what some people will do to get it.

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Money

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

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Beliefs Opinion

It's a good idea to save your money; one day it might be worth something again!

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Money

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government