Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 2

What, Me Worry?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money Past Time

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Activities Family Relationships

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink Money

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

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Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

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Conflict Crime People

Too often, people who want to offer sound advice give more sound than advice!

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Communication Intelligence Speech

Blood is thicker than water… but it makes lousy lemonade!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Relationships

The dollar will never fall as low as what some people will do to get it.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

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Conflict War

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

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Fools Intelligence

The reason most people talk to themselves is because they’re often the only ones who will listen.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Speech

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

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Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Emotions Laughter

Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?

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Government Money

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

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Education History Learning Mistakes

The distance between many people’s ears is a block.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Intelligence

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Situations Things