Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 2

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

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Education History Learning Mistakes

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course!

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Golf People Sports

You know the honeymoon's over when your dog brings your slippers, and your wife barks at you!

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Marriage

The reason most people talk to themselves is because they’re often the only ones who will listen.

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Communication Speech

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

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Characteristics Friends Old People

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

Blood is thicker than water… but it makes lousy lemonade!

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Relationships

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

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Work

If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!

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Entertainment

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government Politicians

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

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Mistakes Problems Situations Time

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

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Government Law Lawyers

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

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Situations Things

The dollar will never fall as low as what some people will do to get it.

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Money

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

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Conflict Crime People

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

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Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

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Health Money