Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 2

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

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Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

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Communication Conversation Speech

What, Me Worry?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

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Government Law Lawyers

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

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Appearance Body Fat

Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!

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People

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Family Relationships

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

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Intelligence People

In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!

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Intelligence

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

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Situations Things

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Activities Relationships

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

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Conflict War

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Doctors Health Occupations

Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!

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Government Politicians

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

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Family Parents

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

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Conflict Crime Money

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

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Communication Government Politics Speech

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

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Conflict Crime People

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Intelligence Speech