Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 2

It takes one to know one – and vice versa!

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Misspokements

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

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Beliefs Opinion

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

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Communication Doctors Health

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

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Activities Family Relationships

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

You know the honeymoon's over when your dog brings your slippers, and your wife barks at you!

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Marriage

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Body Situations

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

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Husbands Marriage

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Mind Speech

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Family Relationships

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Speech

Money still talks these days… trouble is, you have to increase the volume alot!

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Death Money Time

It's a good idea to save your money; one day it might be worth something again!

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Money

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

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Family Parents

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

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Conflict Crime Money

Fools rush in… and get the best seats.

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Fools Intelligence

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

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Money People

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

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Crime Government Law Lawyers

Today, too many workers spend their time trying to make their weekends meet.

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Money Time

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money