Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

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Places

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

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Beliefs Opinion

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Doctors Health Occupations

Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!

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Government Politicians

Nepotism is when the corporate ladder is built from the lumber of your family tree.

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Family Relationships

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

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Communication Conversation Speech

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

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Activities Family Relationships

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

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Mistakes Work

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

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Work

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

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Appearance Body Fat

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

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Communication Government Politics Speech

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

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Communication Marriage Speech Wives

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

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Situations Things

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

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Conflict Crime People

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

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Science/Weather

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Money Taxes

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

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Money People

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course!

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Golf People Sports

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course.

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Golf Sports