Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

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Characteristics Truth

The distance between many people’s ears is a block.

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Intelligence

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

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Husbands Marriage

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

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Appearance Body Fat

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

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Characteristics

What, Me Worry?

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Characteristics

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

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Education History Learning Mistakes

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

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Conflict Crime Government Politics

Today, too many workers spend their time trying to make their weekends meet.

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Money Time

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

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Communication Doctors Health

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

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Communication Government Politics Speech

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

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Mistakes Problems Situations Time

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

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Emotions Laughter

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

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Conflict War

The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!

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Communication Speech

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

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Age Appearance Body Old

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

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Crime Government Law Lawyers

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

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Government Law Lawyers

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

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Science/Weather