Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

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Conflict Crime Government Politics

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

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Emotions Laughter

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

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Education History Learning Mistakes

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

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Appearance Body Fat

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

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Fools Intelligence

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Body Situations

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Work

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

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Family Parents

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

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Places

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

You know the honeymoon's over when your dog brings your slippers, and your wife barks at you!

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Marriage

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Intelligence People

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money Past Time

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

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Characteristics Friends Old People

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Family Relationships

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

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Mistakes Work

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

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Communication Marriage Speech Wives

America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign.

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America Government Places Politics