Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Doctors Health Occupations

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Speech

If you lend someone an ear, don’t expect to be repaid with interest.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

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Characteristics Exercise Work

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

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Emotions Laughter

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

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Crime Government Law Lawyers

Nepotism is when the corporate ladder is built from the lumber of your family tree.

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Family Relationships

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

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Appearance Body Fat

The distance between many people’s ears is a block.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Intelligence

Money still talks these days… trouble is, you have to increase the volume alot!

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Death Money Time

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

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Education Occupations Sleep

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

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Money People

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

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Communication Government Politics Speech

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

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Conflict Crime Money

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Intelligence Mind Speech

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money Past Time

The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!

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Communication Speech

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

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Characteristics Truth

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Work

Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Politicians