Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

You know the honeymoon's over when your dog brings your slippers, and your wife barks at you!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine