Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Doctors Health Occupations

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

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Emotions Laughter

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

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Situations Things

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

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Communication

The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!

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Communication Speech

Today it takes more brains and effort to make out the income tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Intelligence Money Taxes

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

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Work

In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!

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Intelligence

It takes one to know one – and vice versa!

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Misspokements

Fools rush in… and get the best seats.

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Fools Intelligence

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

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Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

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Money

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

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Characteristics Exercise Work

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

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Conflict Crime Government Politics

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!

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Death Life Situations

What, Me Worry?

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Characteristics

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

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Work

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

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Science/Weather

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

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Health

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

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Crime Government Law Lawyers