Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

It takes one to know one – and vice versa!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Money still talks these days… trouble is, you have to increase the volume alot!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

When you're in deep water it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and selling your story to T.V.!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Fools rush in… and get the best seats.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine