Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!

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Death Life Situations

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!

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Entertainment

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

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Money People

The dollar will never fall as low as what some people will do to get it.

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Money

The distance between many people’s ears is a block.

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Intelligence

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

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Crime Honesty Places World

Today, too many workers spend their time trying to make their weekends meet.

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Money Time

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Speech

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Money Taxes

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

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Education History Learning Mistakes

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

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Appearance Body Fat

Ever notice how random chance always picks you for jury duty, but not to win the lottery?

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Science/Weather Situations

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

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Fools Intelligence

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

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Work

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

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Characteristics Truth

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

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Communication Doctors Health

When you're in deep water it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut!

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Problems Situations