Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

If banks are so good with numbers, why are there always eight windows and three tellers?

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Places

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

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Conflict Crime Government Politics

When you're in deep water it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut!

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Problems Situations

Blood is thicker than water… but it makes lousy lemonade!

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Relationships

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

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Work

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Speech

If you lend someone an ear, don’t expect to be repaid with interest.

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Communication

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

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Fools Intelligence

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

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Education Occupations Sleep

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

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Crime Honesty Places World

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

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Activities Family Relationships

The dollar will never fall as low as what some people will do to get it.

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Money

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

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Communication Conversation Speech

Money still talks these days… trouble is, you have to increase the volume alot!

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Death Money Time

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

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Beliefs Opinion

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

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Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

What, Me Worry?

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Characteristics