Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 4

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Mind Speech

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

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Government Law Lawyers

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

The reason most people talk to themselves is because they’re often the only ones who will listen.

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Communication Speech

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

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Health

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

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Communication Doctors Health

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

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Money

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

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Fools Intelligence

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

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Beliefs Opinion

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

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Crime Honesty Places World

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

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Characteristics Exercise Work

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

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Conflict Crime People

Fools rush in… and get the best seats.

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Fools Intelligence

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

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Science/Weather

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Money Taxes

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

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Conflict War

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

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Age Appearance Body Old