Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 4

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Family Relationships

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

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Health

What, Me Worry?

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Characteristics

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

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Family Parents

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

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Conflict Crime Money

You know the honeymoon's over when your dog brings your slippers, and your wife barks at you!

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Marriage

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

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Education History Learning Mistakes

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians

Today, too many workers spend their time trying to make their weekends meet.

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Money Time

Money still talks these days… trouble is, you have to increase the volume alot!

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Death Money Time

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

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Places

A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!

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Appearance Body People

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

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Fools Intelligence

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

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Communication Conversation Speech

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

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Mistakes Problems Situations Time

Ever notice how random chance always picks you for jury duty, but not to win the lottery?

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Science/Weather Situations

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

Too often, people who want to offer sound advice give more sound than advice!

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Communication Intelligence Speech

The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!

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Communication Speech

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government People Politicians