Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 4

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Money Taxes

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

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Science/Weather

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

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Communication Government Politics Speech

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Doctors Health Occupations

It's a good idea to save your money; one day it might be worth something again!

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Money

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!

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Entertainment

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

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Work

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

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Fools Intelligence

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

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Mistakes Problems Situations Time

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

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Food/Drink Money

If you lend someone an ear, don’t expect to be repaid with interest.

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Communication

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

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Emotions Laughter

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

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Communication

In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!

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Intelligence

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

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Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

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Health