Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 4

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

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Husbands Marriage

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

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Money

The reason most people talk to themselves is because they’re often the only ones who will listen.

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Communication Speech

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

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Places

The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!

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Communication Speech

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

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Characteristics Exercise Work

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

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Characteristics

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course.

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Golf Sports

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and selling your story to T.V.!

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

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Intelligence People

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

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Food/Drink Money

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Activities Relationships

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

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Conflict Crime Government Politics

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

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Education History Learning Mistakes

In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!

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Intelligence

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

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Activities Family Relationships

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

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Work

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Mind Speech

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

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Emotions Laughter

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

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Crime Government Law Lawyers