Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 4

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

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Conflict Crime People

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

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Appearance Body Fat

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

Too often, people who want to offer sound advice give more sound than advice!

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Communication Intelligence Speech

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course!

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Golf People Sports

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

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Money People

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

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Characteristics

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

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Money

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

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Characteristics Friends Old People

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

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Government Law Lawyers

The distance between many people’s ears is a block.

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Intelligence

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

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Work

The reason most people talk to themselves is because they’re often the only ones who will listen.

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Communication Speech

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

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Education Occupations Sleep

Today it takes more brains and effort to make out the income tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Intelligence Money Taxes

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

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Family Parents

When you're in deep water it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut!

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Problems Situations

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

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Beliefs Opinion