Author: Ambrose Bierce Page 5

Christian: A man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Kill: To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions Killing

History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
History Time

Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Fights Politics Time

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Intelligence People

Epitaph: An inscription which hopes that virtues acquired by death will have a retroactive effect.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Discussion: A method of confirming others in their errors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Mistakes People

Self-evident: Evident to one's self and to nobody else.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Take: To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Dawn: 1. The time when men of reason go to bed. 2. When the sun first shines on your hangover.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Time

Road: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Autos Definitions Things Travel

Twice: Once too often.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Queen: A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government People

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Dogs

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Clothing Communication Definitions Language

Rumor: A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Cynic: A man who sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Secret: What we tell everybody to tell nobody.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbors. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language