Author: Andy Borowitz

Being called a slut by Rush Limbaugh is like being called a slut by an obese drug addict.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Reviews/Criticism

It says something about the Republican field that the new #1 candidate used to run the nation's #8 pizza chain.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Government

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Government

Remember the politician who wouldn't release his tax returns and it turned out he had nothing to hide? … Me neither.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Government Politicians Taxes

Amid all the controversy over whether or not Rick Perry is a racist, let’s not lose sight of the fact that he’s a moron.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Reviews/Criticism

BREAKING: Mitt Romney will embark on a three-nation foreign trip to visit his money.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Money Wealth

Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress’s role.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Congress Government

If you buy your July 4 supplies at Walmart you can celebrate our independence from Britain and our dependence on China at the same time.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Places

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Beliefs

If the Internet is any guide, a lot of people who are pro-gun are also anti-spelling.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Things