Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Andy Van Slyke
I was so bad, I couldn’t have driven Miss Daisy home.
Andy Van Slyke
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
After a game in which he struck out three times
Hitting
I'd have a better chance of catching flies with chopsticks.
Andy Van Slyke
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
On hitting knuckleballs
Every season has its peaks and valleys. What you have to try to do is eliminate the Grand Canyon.
Andy Van Slyke
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
With the Cardinals everybody would be reading the business section to see what their stocks were doing. You get to this locker room (Pirates) in the morning and everybody is looking at the sports page to see if Hulk Hogan won.
Andy Van Slyke
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
A lot of the people who make these suggestions would have a hard time filling out the application forms to work at 7-Eleven.
Andy Van Slyke
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Fans
You can't expect Mr. Ed to keep up with Secretariat.
Andy Van Slyke
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
On why the Pirates didn't catch the league leaders
They wanted me to play third like Brooks (Robinson) so I did play like Brooks — Mel Brooks.
Andy Van Slyke
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Fielding
My biggest problem in the big leagues is that I can't figure out how to spend forty-three dollars in meal money.
Andy Van Slyke
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
On the biggest adjustment from the minor leagues
If everyone were like him (Mitch Williams) I wouldn't play. I'd find a safer way to make a living.
Andy Van Slyke
baseball player
Baseball
On Williams’ wildness
Pitching
On the road when you go downstairs for coffee in your underwear, they throw you out of the kitchen.
Andy Van Slyke
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
On how life is different when you play on the road