Author: Art Buchwald

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Government Taxes

When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay, but here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Government Health Money

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Fat Government Politics

I (don’t) want anything ostentatious, no matter what it costs.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Characteristics Money

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Beliefs Insults Language Opinion

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Activities People Travel

I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Death Self

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Government Taxes

Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Government Politicians

People will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Autos Driving Things

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Activities People Travel

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Communication Government

An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn’t know any women.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Sex Women