Author: Arthur ‘Bugs’ Baer

It is impossible to tell where the law stops and justice begins.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Government Law

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Situations Sleep Work

The champion, Jess Willard, had about as much chance in this fight as a dish-faced chimpanzee in a beauty contest.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Boxing Sports

If you do big things they print your face, and if you do little things they only print your thumbs.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Crime

She was a brunette by birth, but a blonde by habit.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance Characteristics

He was born silly and had a relapse.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics

He writes dialogues by cutting monologues in two.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
People

Hello!… we heard you at the door, but just thought you were part of the bad weather.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication People

She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Food/Drink

It was as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Situations

The ladies looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics Situations

A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Work

An empty cab drove up and Sarah Bernhardt got out.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Insults

There was larceny in his heart, but his legs were honest.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Baseball Sports

It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Language

She's generous to a fault… if it's her own.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics Communication

Liquor – you can make it illegal but you can't make it unpopular.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

He doesn't remember any silent days in motion pictures – the director always yelled.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Entertainment Film Speech

He was so ugly, the last time I saw him he was the top of a totem pole in Seattle.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance Insults

How much would you charge to haunt a house?

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance Communication