Author: Bennett Cerf

Banquet: A plate of cold, hairy chicken and artificially colored green peas completely surrounded by dreary speeches and appeals for donations.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Food/Drink

The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night… Brahms lost.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Music Reviews/Criticism

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Characteristics

A pat on the back, though only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the pants, is miles ahead in results.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Characteristics Situations

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Age Appearance

Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Intelligence Stupidity