Author: Bill Cosby

‘Deuce’ is used so you don't have to count so high.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Because you are feeding both the child and the floor, raising this child will be expensive.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you’re telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Women don't want to hear what you think; women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Man can not live by bread alone … he must have peanut butter.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will sometimes produce bizarre behavior… and I’m not talking about the kids.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Parents are not quite interested in justice, they are interested in peace and quiet.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

When you become senile, you won't know it.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor