Author: Bill Maher Page 2

Abstinence is a perversion.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Sex

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m The Beatles.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Animals Dogs

You [women] like mystery, ‘cause it’s not a mystery to you; you know when you’re gonna get laid.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
People Sex Women

Obama responded to the birthers by stating that he will show them his birth certificate when Sarah Palin shows him her high school diploma.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Situations

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Health

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Age Dating Sex

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs People Religion Science/Weather

L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson – and when he shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Places Success