Author Bob Hope | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Bob Hope

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Golf Sports

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter… he's done nothing.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

People Jimmy Carter

At least he can’t cheat on his score because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Golf People Sports Cheating Gerald Ford Wounded

I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage!

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Activities Travel Flying

He was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Insults

Ronnie's hero is Calvin Coolidge and Nancy's is Calvin Klein.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

People Ronald & Nancy Reagan

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Age Fat Golf Sports

Alan Shepard walking on the moon found a golf ball with Gerald Ford’s initials on it.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Golf Sports On Gerald Ford hitting errant golf shots

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Entertainment Self Performing

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast… if God wants to play through, let him.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

God Golf Sports Lightning

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Age Old Birthdays

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Government Politics Watergate

Phyllis Diller’s had so many facelifts, there’s nothing left in her shoes.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Appearance Body Face lifts Phyllis Diller Plastic surgery

Surprise me.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Last words Spoken to his wife when she asked where he wanted to be buried.

The Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem; they're all running for the presidency.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Government President Democrats Unemployment

A triumph for democracy; it proves that a millionaire has just as good a chance as anybody else.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Elections/Voting Government Money On John F. Kennedy’s electoral victory

I was once so broke I forgot whether you cut steak with a knife or drank it with a spoon.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Food/Drink Money Poverty

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Government Money Places Politics Washington

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Beliefs Golf Honesty Lies Sports On cheating in golf

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Communication Entertainment Music Exaggerations Phyllis Diller

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

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Author: Bob Hope

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter… he's done nothing.

At least he can’t cheat on his score because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage!

He was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground.

Ronnie's hero is Calvin Coolidge and Nancy's is Calvin Klein.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

Alan Shepard walking on the moon found a golf ball with Gerald Ford’s initials on it.

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast… if God wants to play through, let him.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

Phyllis Diller’s had so many facelifts, there’s nothing left in her shoes.

Surprise me.

The Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem; they're all running for the presidency.

A triumph for democracy; it proves that a millionaire has just as good a chance as anybody else.

I was once so broke I forgot whether you cut steak with a knife or drank it with a spoon.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.