Author Bob Hope | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Bob Hope

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Age Middle age

You never had to ask his score; just count the casualties.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Golf Sports Spiro Agnew

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that's why the dogs are so fast.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Places Siberia

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Money Places Wealth On reports of his wealth Vietnam

I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage!

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Activities Travel Flying

He plays just like a union man… he negotiates the final score.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Golf Sports Labor leader George Meany

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast… if God wants to play through, let him.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

God Golf Sports Lightning

I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Entertainment Film Deep Throat

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government… why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Government Taxes

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Age Old Birthdays

He was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Insults

If he slices the budget like he slices a (golf) ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Golf Government People Sports President Dwight Eisenhower

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Activities Age Golf Old Sports Time Handicaps Roman numerals

I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Entertainment Food/Drink Audiences

Oscar night at my house is called Passover.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Communication Wordplay Oscars Passover

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Government Money Wealth

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Government Money Places Politics Washington

Golf is my real profession – show business pays my greens fees.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Acting Entertainment Golf Sports

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Marriage Bigamy Crime

If they liked you, they didn’t applaud – they just let you live.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Entertainment Applause Of a rough audience

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

Categories

Additional Categories

Oops...

Some Popular Authors

Author: Bob Hope

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

You never had to ask his score; just count the casualties.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that's why the dogs are so fast.

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage!

He plays just like a union man… he negotiates the final score.

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast… if God wants to play through, let him.

I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government… why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

He was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground.

If he slices the budget like he slices a (golf) ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.

Oscar night at my house is called Passover.

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

Golf is my real profession – show business pays my greens fees.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

If they liked you, they didn’t applaud – they just let you live.