Author: Charley Weaver

Peter Marshall:  Who said, “Richard Nixon was the most difficult man I ever had to paint?”

Charlie Weaver: Earl Scheib. [A company which specialized in repainting automobiles]

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  True or false – Lawrence Welk has a fourth grade education.

Charley Weaver:  That’s why he says, “And a one and a two…”

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the literary world, who kept saying ‘I think I can, I think I can?’

Charley Weaver: Well, out at the home, that was Mr. Ferguson. And Mrs. Ferguson kept saying '’ wish he would! I wish he would!’

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Tommy Smothers and President George Washington share a common outstanding physical trait that's very noticeable and unique.  What is it?

Charley Weaver: They both have wooden teeth.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Arthur Hailey had a very successful movie and novel called Hotel. He has a new best seller about another stopover point. What is it called?

Charlie Weaver: Service Station.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charles, how many balls would you expect to find on a billiard table?

Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do most dentists say you should do with your dentures when you go to bed?

Charlie Weaver: Out at the home, we throw them into the center of the room and have a swap party.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Was there anything going on between Christopher Columbus and Queen Isabella?

Charley Weaver:  Yes, and Columbus later found out that the world was round and she was flat!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?

Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charley, how many balls are on a pool table in a standard game of 8-ball?

Charlie Weaver: How many men are on the table?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the movie Camelot, Sir Lancelot is called on to perform a miracle.  What is the miracle?

Charley Weaver: The miracle is to make the movie a hit.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Today's Health, what do most dentists say you should do with your dentures before going to bed?

Charley Weaver: Out to the home, we throw them all into the center of the room and have a swap party.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charley, an 87-year-old doctor named Quick invented something that’s named for him.  What is it?

Charley Weaver: 87 years old? I’d say the quickie!   

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What?

Charley Weaver: Not drinking.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false – when the swallows return to Capistrano, they are probably coming from Argentina.

Charley Weaver: That’s true, and not only did they ruin my car, they blew up my trailer!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Does Pat Nixon think her husband is fun?

Charley Weaver: Yes, she says he's full of it.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Every night before he went to bed, George Washington would always put his false teeth into something. What?

Charley Weaver: Martha!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Should you train your very young children on the piano?

Charley Weaver: No, try newspapers.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Your bird has a temperature of 150 degrees. Will he live?

Charley Weaver: Gee, I hope not. My dinner guests will be here in a couple of minutes.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, “There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.  She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.”  What did she give her children to eat?

Charley Weaver: She lived in a shoe?  Filet of sole!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?

Charlie Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares