Author: Charley Weaver

Peter Marshall: Arthur Hailey had a very successful movie and novel called Hotel. He has a new best seller about another stopover point. What is it called?

Charlie Weaver: Service Station.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Tommy Smothers and President George Washington share a common outstanding physical trait that's very noticeable and unique.  What is it?

Charley Weaver: They both have wooden teeth.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Is it possible for you to make a dog laugh?

Charley Weaver:  Well, I tried to housebreak a dog once and he just laughed and laughed.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

Charlie Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?

Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

Charley Weaver: His feet.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  True or false – Lawrence Welk has a fourth grade education.

Charley Weaver:  That’s why he says, “And a one and a two…”

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  What makes water hard?

Charley Weaver:  Winter.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charles, how many balls would you expect to find on a billiard table?

Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to an executive report of the Dallas Morning News, is a person ever too old to get his teeth straightened?

Charley Weaver: Well now, that would be my second choice.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?

Charlie Weaver: A divorcee.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Should you train your very young children on the piano?

Charley Weaver: No, try newspapers.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’re a 71-year-old man who has lost interest in sex. Does your doctor have anything to help you?

Charley Weaver: No, but his nurse does.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Shakespeare wrote 154 of them.  What are they?

Charley Weaver:  Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Do rosey cheeks always mean good health?

Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, can you get anything you’ve always wanted in Heaven, if you didn’t get it on Earth?

Charley Weaver: Yes, but there’s an extra charge for the whitewalls.  

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Your bird has a temperature of 150 degrees. Will he live?

Charley Weaver: Gee, I hope not. My dinner guests will be here in a couple of minutes.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do most dentists say you should do with your dentures when you go to bed?

Charlie Weaver: Out at the home, we throw them into the center of the room and have a swap party.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.

Charley Weaver: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests. 

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false – when the swallows return to Capistrano, they are probably coming from Argentina.

Charley Weaver: That’s true, and not only did they ruin my car, they blew up my trailer!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  When you go shopping, is there any difference between irregulars and seconds?

Charley Weaver:  Out at the home, when I have seconds I get irregular.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares