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Author: Charley Weaver Page 2
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charlie Weaver: A divorcee.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for you to make a dog laugh?
Charley Weaver: Well, I tried to housebreak a dog once and he just laughed and laughed.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Why do people refer to ships as “she?”
Charlie Weaver: Because both have round bottoms.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What do most dentists say you should do with your dentures when you go to bed?
Charlie Weaver: Out at the home, we throw them into the center of the room and have a swap party.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Charley, an 87-year-old doctor named Quick invented something that’s named for him. What is it?
Charley Weaver: 87 years old? I’d say the quickie!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?
Charley Weaver:
Inherit the Wind.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false – drinking can make you hard of hearing.
Charley Weaver: What?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You’re a 71-year-old man who has lost interest in sex. Does your doctor have anything to help you?
Charley Weaver: No, but his nurse does.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Your bird has a temperature of 150 degrees. Will he live?
Charley Weaver: Gee, I hope not. My dinner guests will be here in a couple of minutes.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the literary world, who kept saying 'I think I can, I think I can?’
Charley Weaver: Well, out at the home, that was Mr. Ferguson. And Mrs. Ferguson kept saying “I wish he would! I wish he would!”
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the literary world, who kept saying ‘I think I can, I think I can?’
Charley Weaver: Well, out at the home, that was Mr. Ferguson. And Mrs. Ferguson kept saying '’ wish he would! I wish he would!’
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Do rosey cheeks always mean good health?
Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charlie Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.
Charley Weaver: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Was there anything going on between Christopher Columbus and Queen Isabella?
Charley Weaver: Yes, and Columbus later found out that the world was round and she was flat!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false – as you get older, your skin becomes more transparent.
Charley Weaver: Out at the home in the x-ray room, they just hold us up to a light bulb.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In a recent
TV Guide
interview, Paul Lynde said that he has been cursed with something all his life. What?
Charley Weaver: Four letter words!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the movie
Camelot
, Sir Lancelot is called on to perform a miracle. What is the miracle?
Charley Weaver: The miracle is to make the movie a hit.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You are a senior citizen and during the night while you are asleep, your heart beats 50 times per minute. Is there something wrong with you?
Charley Weaver: Well, let's put it this way. Could you ask me Friday's questions today?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
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