Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Charley Weaver Page 2
Peter Marshall: Charles, how many balls would you expect to find on a billiard table?Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country? Charlie Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Who said, “Richard Nixon was the most difficult man I ever had to paint?”Charlie Weaver: Earl Scheib. [A company which specialized in repainting automobiles]
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Which is higher, a vice admiral or a rear admiral?Charley Weaver: That depends on who drinks the most.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
Today's Health
, what do most dentists say you should do with your dentures before going to bed?Charley Weaver: Out to the home, we throw them all into the center of the room and have a swap party.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In a recent
TV Guide
interview, Paul Lynde said that he has been cursed with something all his life. What?Charley Weaver: Four letter words!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Every night before he went to bed, George Washington would always put his false teeth into something. What?Charley Weaver: Martha!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to an executive report of the Dallas Morning News, is a person ever too old to get his teeth straightened? Charley Weaver: Well now, that would be my second choice.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? Charlie Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for you to make a dog laugh?Charley Weaver: Well, I tried to housebreak a dog once and he just laughed and laughed.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the literary world, who kept saying 'I think I can, I think I can?’ Charley Weaver: Well, out at the home, that was Mr. Ferguson. And Mrs. Ferguson kept saying “I wish he would! I wish he would!”
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year? Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy growing strawberries!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?Charley Weaver:
Inherit the Wind.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Do rosey cheeks always mean good health? Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Was there anything going on between Christopher Columbus and Queen Isabella?Charley Weaver: Yes, and Columbus later found out that the world was round and she was flat!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Your bird has a temperature of 150 degrees. Will he live? Charley Weaver: Gee, I hope not. My dinner guests will be here in a couple of minutes.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What do most dentists say you should do with your dentures when you go to bed?Charlie Weaver: Out at the home, we throw them into the center of the room and have a swap party.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false – when the swallows return to Capistrano, they are probably coming from Argentina.Charley Weaver: That’s true, and not only did they ruin my car, they blew up my trailer!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Charley, an 87-year-old doctor named Quick invented something that’s named for him. What is it?Charley Weaver: 87 years old? I’d say the quickie!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Shakespeare wrote 154 of them. What are they?Charley Weaver: Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
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