Author: Clive James

Joan Rivers’s face hasn’t just had a lift, it’s taken the elevator all the way to the top floor without stopping.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Appearance Insults

I once described him [Arnold Schwarzenegger] as looking like a condom full of walnuts.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Appearance Insults

McEnroe was as charming as always, which means that he was as charming as a dead mouse in a loaf of bread.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Insults

As a work of art, it has the same status as a long conversation between two not very bright drunks.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Reviews/Criticism

I don’t suggest that her face has been lifted, but there’s a possibility that her body has been lowered.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Appearance Insults

Watching them was like watching two men who'd been thrown out of an airplane trying to share the same parachute.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Reviews/Criticism

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Acting Reviews/Criticism

Mocking Hugh Hefner is easy to do, and in my mind should be made easier.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Insults

I see the pain on your face when you say the word intellectual, because it has so many syllables in it.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Insults Intelligence

In the Bob Hope Classic, the participation of President Gerald Ford was more than enough to remind you that the nuclear button was at one stage at the disposal of a man who might have either pressed it by mistake or else pressed it deliberately in order to obtain room service.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Government People