Author: Dan Mintz

I think it would be really confusing if you’re performing an abortion and somebody runs in and says, “Abort! Abort!”

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Communication Language Situations

I took this girl to dinner, and I heard that women like it when you order for them, so I was like, 'I'll have the special, and she's not getting anything tonight.'

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Food/Drink People Situations Women

We had to pull the plug on my grandmother ’cause I needed the outlet for my laptop.

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Relationships Situations

I would give my left nut for a really nice guitar… I don't actually play the guitar, but I have three testicles.

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body

My grandfather was actually a Holocaust survivor, and you can tell that it really affected him because to this day, he still will not walk into a gas chamber.

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Relationships Situations