Author David Brenner | Just-One-Liners.com

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Author: David Brenner

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

Eating Food/Drink Vegetarians

You know you're getting old when kids start to dress like you used to.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

Age Appearance Clothing Old

I don’t like to watch golf on television because I can’t stand people who whisper.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

Golf Speech Sports Television Whispering

Peter Marshall: According to animal experts, what usually gets an ostrich to bury its head in the sand?
David Brenner: A falling piano.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

Hollywood Squares

Nothing is going to stop Mike Tyson that doesn't have a motor attached.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

People Mike Tyson

You know you're getting old when you start to dress in more than six colors.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

Age Appearance Clothing Old

Peter Marshall: Can Jewish boys get into Boys’ Town?
David Brenner: No, but we can own it.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

Hollywood Squares