Author: David Feherty

He has the touch of a gay hairdresser.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn't be here this week… he is attending the birth of his next wife.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

That sounded like he hit a roll of wet toilet paper.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

They are like hot air dryers in public lavatories. They are a good idea, but take too long.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

This one'll slide down the hill like a greased piglet.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

That was a great shot – if they’d put the pin there today.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

He's hit more balls than Elton John's chin.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

I don't think he'd even be happy with ice cream right now.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

It looks like he has a divot over each ear.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

It's like an octopus falling out of a tree.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Insults Speech

The only way to ruin a day like this would be to play golf on it.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

I wouldn't trust him to sit on a toilet the right way.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Win and you are the superior being in all the universe; lose, and may the fleas of a million rodents, infect your every orifice.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

[The ball] came out like a dead mouse from a cornfield.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

They look like two lobsters trying to mate.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

I just stood there watching him walk past and thinking, ‘I don’t know what that is, but I know there weren’t two of them on Noah’s Ark.’

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Fortunately he is 22 years old, so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Sports

That one is so far right Michael Moore could make a documentary about it.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports