Author: Dorothy Parker

Because he spills his seed on the ground.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Animals

An admiring drunk to Parker: I simply can’t bear fools.
Parker: Apparently, your mother did not have the same difficulty.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Fools Intelligence

This is on me.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Death

Good work, Mary: We all knew you had it in you.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Situations

She looks like something that would eat its young.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Appearance Insults

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Intelligence Language People Thinking Women

Where does she find them?

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Insults

How could they tell?

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Death Insults

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Girls People Things Women

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Characteristics Communication

One more drink and I'd be under the host.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
People Self

I went to convent in New York and was fired finally for my insistence that the Immaculate Conception was spontaneous combustion.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Situations

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant – and let the air out of the tires.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Children Family Places

Crude is the name of Robert Hyde’s first novel; it is also a criticism of it.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Books Communication Reviews/Criticism

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Friends People Sex

Money cannot buy health, but I'll settle for a diamond studded wheelchair.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Health Money

Four be the things I’d been better without;

love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Things

This book of essays… has all the depth and glitter of a worn dime.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Books Reviews/Criticism

He has a heart of gold… only harder.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Miscellaneous

If you don't knit bring a good book.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Reviews/Criticism