Author: Doug Larson

A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Animals Cats Children Family

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Intelligence Situations Wisdom

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Age Fools Intelligence Old Young

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Activities Life Sports

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Work

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three – and paradise is when you have none.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Life Money Situations

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Life

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics Honesty Mistakes Problems

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.


(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Friends People

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Children Family

There are worse things than getting a call for the wrong number at 4 a.m… it could be the right number.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Communication Time

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Autos Things

There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics Intelligence

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Government Politicians

Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Past Time

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Computers Dogs School Things

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Education Life

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Science/Weather

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Age Life Old

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. 

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Hockey Sports

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Communication Intelligence Speech Wisdom