Author: Dylan Moran Page 2

The sun—you live about three quarters of a mile from it.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Places

You're looking for a lump in a bag of lumps… that can take some time.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Health Men People

Scotland, the country where they fry the food five times to make sure it’s dead.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Places

You look like a horse in a man costume.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Insults

Men are people that have sex because they have a headache… or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Men People Sex

America is like the really bad flatmate of the world: ‘Oh sorry, did I break all your shit? I didn't know it was yours… yeah, I'll replace it sometime… with my stuff.’

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
America Places

You cannot over estimate how infantile men are about sex; men are people that have sex because they have a headache… or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Men People Sex

Why would anybody want to go skiing? You could sit in the comfort of you own kitchen and break your knees with a hammer.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Activities

I have this! Are you interested?

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Relationships Sex

It sounds like typewriters eating tin foil being kicked down the stairs.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Communication Places Speech

German food is so bad, even Hitler was a vegetarian.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink

He's had so many face-lifts, his face has moved to the top of his head, you have to get on a step-ladder to watch him lie!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Insults

[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Age

When you say 'Bedtime, bedtime, bedtime!' that's not what the child hears; what the child hears is 'Lie down in the dark… for hours… and don't move… I'm locking the door now.'

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Children Family Situations