Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Author: Ed O’Neill
Peggy: I want sex.
Al: So do I, but I see no reason to drag
you
into it.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Sex
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
If I wanted you to know what I’m thinking, I’d be talking.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Communication
Speech
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Sex again Peg? … we’ve been married seventeen years now; can’t we just be friends?
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage
Sex
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
[doorbell rings] Peg, could you get that? It’s probably the ‘Homeless: It Could Be Worse’ Tour.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Life
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Today is the first day of the end of your life.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Sorry, Peg, I didn’t hear you; I was thinking of killing myself.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Self
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Behind every successful man is a woman who didn't marry me.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
I don’t want to have sex; you’re my wife, for God’s sake!
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage
Sex
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Why go out for milk when you've got a cow at home.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage
Sex
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Why do we have to go out Peg? … Isn’t it enough I know I’m married to you; do we have to tell the whole world?
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage
TV/Movie Quotes
Wives
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Peg, this is your birthday, please don’t make me kill you!
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Birthdays
People who work putting shoes on fat women who wear dresses should not have 20/20 vision.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Occupations
TV/Movie Quotes
Work
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Pretty women make us buy beer… ugly women make us drink beer.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Beer
Women
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
I had to go by the drug store to get some marital aids: breath mints for you and Wild Turkey for me!
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage
Sex
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Marital aids
Woman: I need shoes.
Al: Blacksmith's right around the corner.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Insults
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Shoes
Insurance is like marriage – you pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Insurance
Christmas is not the time for regrets… that's what anniversaries are for.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Regrets
What was I thinking when I said “I do”? I’d already had sex with her; I didn’t need that again.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage
Sex
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”