Author F.E. Smith | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: F.E. Smith

Winston has devoted the best years of his life to preparing his impromptu speeches.

F.E. Smith

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer

Smith to witness: So, you were as drunk as a judge?
Judge (interjecting): You mean as drunk as a lord?
Smith: Yes, My Lord.

F.E. Smith

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer

Alcohol Food/Drink Drunk Judges

Judge: Mr. Smith, have you ever heard of a saying by Bacon – the great Bacon – that youth and discretion are ill-wed companions?
Smith: Indeed I have, your Honour; and has your Honour ever heard of a saying by Bacon – the great Bacon – that a much talking Judge is like an ill-tuned cymbal?

F.E. Smith

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer

Insults Occupations Work Francis Bacon Judges

Judge: Are you trying to show contempt for this court, Mr Smith?
Smith: No, My Lord. I am attempting to conceal it.

F.E. Smith

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer

Government Insults Court Judges

Judge: You are extremely offensive, young man!
Smith: As a matter of fact we both are; but I am trying to be, and you can’t help it.

F.E. Smith

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer

Insults

Judge: Mr Smith, you must not direct the jury. What do you suppose I am on the bench for?
Smith: It is not for me, your honour, to attempt to fathom the inscrutable workings of Providence.

F.E. Smith

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer

Law Occupations Work Judges

Judge: I have read your case, Mr Smith, and I am no wiser now than I was when I started.
Smith: Possibly not, My Lord, but much better informed.

F.E. Smith

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer

Insults

Master of the Rolls: Really, Mr Smith, do give this Court credit for some little intelligence.
Smith: That is the mistake I made in the Court below, My Lord.

F.E. Smith

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer

Government Law Court Judges

It would be possible to say without exaggeration that the miners’ leaders were the stupidest men in England if we had not frequent occasion to meet the owners.

F.E. Smith

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer

Insults Intelligence Stupidity

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Author: F.E. Smith

Winston has devoted the best years of his life to preparing his impromptu speeches.

Smith to witness: So, you were as drunk as a judge?
Judge (interjecting): You mean as drunk as a lord?
Smith: Yes, My Lord.

Judge: Mr. Smith, have you ever heard of a saying by Bacon – the great Bacon – that youth and discretion are ill-wed companions?
Smith: Indeed I have, your Honour; and has your Honour ever heard of a saying by Bacon – the great Bacon – that a much talking Judge is like an ill-tuned cymbal?

Judge: Are you trying to show contempt for this court, Mr Smith?
Smith: No, My Lord. I am attempting to conceal it.

Judge: You are extremely offensive, young man!
Smith: As a matter of fact we both are; but I am trying to be, and you can’t help it.

Judge: Mr Smith, you must not direct the jury. What do you suppose I am on the bench for?
Smith: It is not for me, your honour, to attempt to fathom the inscrutable workings of Providence.

Judge: I have read your case, Mr Smith, and I am no wiser now than I was when I started.
Smith: Possibly not, My Lord, but much better informed.

Master of the Rolls: Really, Mr Smith, do give this Court credit for some little intelligence.
Smith: That is the mistake I made in the Court below, My Lord.

It would be possible to say without exaggeration that the miners’ leaders were the stupidest men in England if we had not frequent occasion to meet the owners.