Author: Fran Lebowitz

All God’s children are not beautiful; most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance People

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Life Sleep

The word “lady” most often used to describe someone you wouldn't want to talk to for even five minutes.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Family

Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Life Situations Sleep

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra; in real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Education Learning Life Science/Weather

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Success

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Intelligence People Thinking Time

There is no such thing as inner peace; there is only nervousness and death.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Death

If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Art Communication Entertainment Reading/Writing

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Games

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Eating Food/Drink Money

Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Games

New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
New York City People Places

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Places

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Success

I’m not the type who wants to go back to the land… I’m the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People Self Situations

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

My favorite animal is steak.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Food/Drink