Author: Fran Lebowitz

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Success

The best fame is a writer’s fame: it’s enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough that you get interrupted when you eat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Success

My favorite animal is steak.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Food/Drink

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Life People Things

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Family

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Situations

All God’s children are not beautiful; most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance People

The opposite of talking isn't listening; the opposite of talking is waiting.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Conversation Speech

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Sex

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Places

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Games

If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Art Communication Entertainment Reading/Writing

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra; in real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Education Learning Life Science/Weather

I believe in talking behind peoples’ backs; that way, they hear it more than once.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Speech

New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
New York City People Places

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Eating Food/Drink Money

If people don’t want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance Clothing

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Sleep