Author: Fran Lebowitz Page 2

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Alcohol Communication People

The opposite of talking isn't listening; the opposite of talking is waiting.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Conversation Speech

I believe in talking behind peoples’ backs; that way, they hear it more than once.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Speech

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

The word “lady” most often used to describe someone you wouldn't want to talk to for even five minutes.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Children

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Family

The best fame is a writer’s fame: it’s enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough that you get interrupted when you eat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Success

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Sleep

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Places

Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Games

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Food/Drink

Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Food/Drink

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Intelligence People Thinking Time

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Games

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Life Sleep

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Communication Conversation Speech

There is no such thing as inner peace; there is only nervousness and death.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Death

You’re only has good as your last haircut.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance