Author: Fran Lebowitz Page 2

To the French, lying is simply talking.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Lies People Places

Bread that is sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Food/Drink

Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Life Situations Sleep

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Food/Drink

My favorite animal is steak.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Food/Drink

Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Food/Drink

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Children

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra; in real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Education Learning Life Science/Weather

Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Games

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Games

My theory [is] that modern science was largely conceived of as an answer to the servant problem and that it is generally practiced by those who lack a flair for conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Science/Weather Speech

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Sex

The word “lady” most often used to describe someone you wouldn't want to talk to for even five minutes.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People

Large, naked raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who lie in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Food/Drink

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Life People Things

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Success

If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Art Communication Entertainment Reading/Writing

If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract – teach him to deduct.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Education Future Learning

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Life Sleep