Author: Frankie Boyle

I gave my girlfriend something she didn’t expect for Valentine’s Day… chlamydia.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Health

Religion is just what we thought before we understood what mental illness was.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Beliefs Religion

Trump’s nothing like Hitler… there’s no way he could write a book.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Reviews/Criticism

If Harry Potter’s so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
People

The thing I don’t get about pedophilia… why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Miscellaneous

In Scotland we have mixed feelings about Global Warming…. because we all get to sit on the mountains and watch the English drown.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
England Places

Our greatest fear is to die alone, which is why I intend to take quite a few people with me.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Death

When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Education School Sex

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Places

Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! – alcoholic and a racist!

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Insults People

If I was invisible for the day I think Id kick a mime artist to death.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Situations

I hope no one is allergic to nuts… because I like to rest mine on the table.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Miscellaneous

Recent surveys have shown that 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation; the rest just didn’t really think it was a problem.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Men People Sex

This is one of the healthiest X-rays I’ve ever seen… but if we compare that with yours…

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Doctors Health

When I was about 8 or 9, I was a massive Michael Jackson fan and I wish I had known at the time that I was his type.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
People