Author: Gary Delaney Page 2

Last time I was here a girl asked me for sex; I had to disappoint her… we had sex.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Sex

If I ever find the guy who messed up my limb transplants, I’m going to kill him with my bear hands.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Situations

As a kid I was made to walk the plank… we couldn’t afford a dog.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw.”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication England Language Places

I stopped in a lay-by and there was a sign said “No Dumping”; that was alright as I was just having a piss… so it didn’t affect me.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Situations

The other day a woman described me as a bit of a looker… well voyeur was the actual word she used, but there’s no need to split hairs is there?

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self