Author: George Burns

Over a fifteen-year period Jack raised almost $6,000,000 for the benefit of classical music; of course, a lot of people claimed that that was his way of paying for the damage he'd caused it.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment Music

Calling Durante's nose large is like calling Jack Benny "thrifty."

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Appearance Language

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
America Government Intelligence Occupations Places Work

First of all you've got to have talent, and then you've got to marry her like I did.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics Success

I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Future Life Time

On a golf course, Jack had the hands of a violinist; that was fair, because as a violinist, Jack had the hands of a golfer.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment Golf Music Sports

He once gave Gracie a coupon for a year’s subscription to a magazine as a gift – and all she had to do was fill it out and send it in with a check.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Frugal Money

That’s where Jack and I were different, he would let his hair down, I just took mine off.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Appearance Hair People Situations

Nobody ever had to steal Georgie's affections – he gave them away at the drop of a skirt.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Emotions Sex

I love to sing; I love to drink scotch… most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment

Georgie believed in democracy, and he felt that everybody had a right to an opinion… his.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Democracy Government Opinion

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Health Old Places

Jack was so cheap that instead of bringing his date flowers, he brought her seeds.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Frugal Money

First you forget names, then you forget faces… next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Intelligence Memory Old

What can I say about Milton Berle that he already hasn't said himself?

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics Opinion Speech

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Old

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Eating Food/Drink Sex

I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Dating Old People Relationships Women

For thirty years my act consisted of one joke; and then she died.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Old People

Jolson's ego was so big he could have given the Lord himself an inferiority complex.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics God