Author: George Burns Page 2

When he was held up by a robber who demanded, "Your money or your life?" Jack's silence while he thought it over was the funniest thing never said on radio.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment

There is nothing wrong with making love with the light on… just make sure the car door is closed.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Autos Sex Situations Things

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Jack Benny's ability on the violin was legendary; everybody knew he had none.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment Music Success Things

The Jack Benny I knew threw his money around… not far – but he threw it.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Frugal Money

Jack Benny would end his act by playing a tune on his violin, so naturally he got a big cheer when he finished.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment Music

If it's a good script I'll do it; and if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment Film Money

I love to sing; I love to drink scotch… most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in it's holder is a thrill.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Age Old Sex

Eddie had so much energy he made coffee beans jumpy.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics

Nobody ever had to steal Georgie's affections – he gave them away at the drop of a skirt.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Emotions Sex

Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Age Old Sex

Once he was introduced as "The man who always steals the show – one joke at a time."

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded; trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Alcohol Food/Drink

On a golf course, Jack had the hands of a violinist; that was fair, because as a violinist, Jack had the hands of a golfer.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment Golf Music Sports

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Health Old Places

First you forget names, then you forget faces… next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Intelligence Memory Old

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Old Things

First of all you've got to have talent, and then you've got to marry her like I did.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics Success

I personally stay away from natural foods; at my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Food/Drink Old

Acting is all about honesty and if you can fake that, you've got it made.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Acting Characteristics Entertainment Honesty