Author George Carlin | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: George Carlin Page 3

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it'll be much harder to detect.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Activities Death People Drown Synchronized swimmer

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Girls Places Bad Jolly Live Santa Claus

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Eating Food/Drink Antipasto Hunger Pasta

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Characteristics Opinion People

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Government Law Lawyers Smiling

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

People Deserted areas

How is it possible to have a civil war?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Conflict War Wordplay Civility

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Language People Things Deaf Soap Swear

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Life Science/Weather Universe

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Future Life Time

"No comment" is a comment.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication No comment

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication People Speech Egotists

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Things #2 Pencil

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Beliefs Honesty Dishonesty

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Characteristics Conflict Killing People Hostages Multiple personalities

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication Food/Drink Language Cheese Picture

When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show; if you're born in America you get a front row seat.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

America Places

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?… try spelling Evian backward.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Money People Evian Water

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Death Saliva

Is there another word for synonym?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication Language Synonym Words

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humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

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Author: George Carlin Page 3

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it'll be much harder to detect.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

"No comment" is a comment.

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show; if you're born in America you get a front row seat.

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?… try spelling Evian backward.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Is there another word for synonym?