Author George Carlin | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: George Carlin Page 3

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show; when you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

So, have you noticed there aren't a lot of Chinese guys named Rusty?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

People Chinese Names

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Dance Entertainment Intelligence Music Hearing

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication Speech Comics

I think I am, therefore I am… I think.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Intelligence Life Existence Philosophy

What year did Jesus think it was?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

History Time Jesus

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Animals Language Fly Walk Wings

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Dance Entertainment Intelligence Music Sanity

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms; are they afraid someone will clean them?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Situations Bathrooms

If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Government Authority Influence

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Activities Beliefs Games Frisbees

Is there another word for synonym?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication Language Synonym Words

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Characteristics Communication Language Truth

Who’s cruel idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Ideas Intelligence Language Lisp

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Eating Food/Drink People Cannibals Clowns

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Places Forest rangers Vacation

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Book Titles

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Autos Life Brakes

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Characteristics Cynics Idealists

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication Food/Drink Language Cheese Picture

The status quo sucks.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Characteristics Situations Status quo

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

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Author: George Carlin Page 3

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show; when you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

So, have you noticed there aren't a lot of Chinese guys named Rusty?

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

I think I am, therefore I am… I think.

What year did Jesus think it was?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms; are they afraid someone will clean them?

If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Is there another word for synonym?

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Who’s cruel idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

The status quo sucks.