Author George Carlin | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: George Carlin Page 4

What year did Jesus think it was?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

How is it possible to have a civil war?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Conflict War Wordplay Civility

I like Florida… everything is in the 80's… the temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Places Florida

"No comment" is a comment.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication No comment

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Eating Food/Drink People Cannibals Clowns

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Alcohol Food/Drink Things Floor Tequila

Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication Language Waiters

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Intelligence People Stupidity

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Activities Drugs God People Acid

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Characteristics Conflict Killing People Hostages Multiple personalities

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Animals Rain Sheep Shrink

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Government Law Lawyers Smiling

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Language Money Broker

Is there another word for synonym?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication Language Synonym Words

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Things #2 Pencil

Never argue with an idiot; they will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Fools Intelligence Idiots

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Death Saliva

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it'll be much harder to detect.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Conflict Confusion Hell

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Animals Situations Nights Wolves

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Activities Beliefs Games Frisbees

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication Language

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

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Author: George Carlin Page 4

What year did Jesus think it was?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

I like Florida… everything is in the 80's… the temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.

"No comment" is a comment.

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Is there another word for synonym?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Never argue with an idiot; they will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it'll be much harder to detect.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?