Author: George Gobel Page 3

Peter Marshall:  True or false… a man arrested in West Palm Beach, Florida was fined 75 cents after a policeman shot him with two bullets.

George Gobel:  The guy only had a dollar, so the policeman shot him two more times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The Pittsburgh Press calls it a combination of the Jitterbug, the Cha-cha, and the Mambo. What do you call it?

George Gobel: A short in my electric blanket.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Father Lester's column, is there ever, EVER a time when it is permissible to punch somebody in the mouth?

George Gobel: Well, yeah. Like if he backs into the church's new Chevy wagon.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Dear Abby says it's the single reason most people go to an X-rated movie. What is it?

George Gobel: Well, in the first place, they can't believe their eyes the first 20 or 30 times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Education Marriage School

Peter Marshall: What is the definition of the word “Gobbledygook?”

George Gobel: That’s the stuff that crusts over in turkeys’ eyes when they’re asleep. 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to weather statistics, where is the wettest spot on Earth?

George Gobel: The parking lot at Busch Gardens.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What did Anita Bryant do for her talent competition in the Miss America contest?

George Gobel: Punch the hairdresser.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to The Cosmo Girl’s Book Of Ettiquette, what does Helen Gurley Brown say you should put in your bra to attract men?

George Gobel: A copy of Sports Illustrated.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Is it possible to housebreak an elephant?

George Gobel:  Yes, but don’t try it during a newspaper strike.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  According to Shakespeare, what acquaints a man with strange bedfellows?

George Gobel:  The tall dude in the purple hat. 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to legend, what one thing was Noah’s wife not willing to do?

George Gobel: Sunbathe amongst the anteaters.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… a Florida man was recently fined 75 cents to pay for the bullet police fired at him? 

George Gobel: Yeah, and they didn’t have change for a dollar, so they shot him two more times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for a man to get an annulment if he can prove that he was drunk during the wedding ceremony? 

George Gobel: Well, I thought of that, but by the time I sobered up, we had been married 23 years.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… the Pope believes the Vatican might be bugged?

George Gobel: And he also believes that 18 minutes of the new testament are missing.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares