Author: George Gobel Page 3

Peter Marshall: True or false… the Pope believes the Vatican might be bugged?

George Gobel: And he also believes that 18 minutes of the new testament are missing.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What did Anita Bryant do for her talent competition in the Miss America contest?

George Gobel: Punch the hairdresser.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to legend, what one thing was Noah’s wife not willing to do?

George Gobel: Sunbathe amongst the anteaters.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  True or false… a man arrested in West Palm Beach, Florida was fined 75 cents after a policeman shot him with two bullets.

George Gobel:  The guy only had a dollar, so the policeman shot him two more times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to flag ettiquette, how does a woman show her respect for the American flag? 

George Gobel: She picks up a sailor.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

Peter Marshall:  Is it possible to housebreak an elephant?

George Gobel:  Yes, but don’t try it during a newspaper strike.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… pickles and martinis don’t taste as good to people with dentures?

George Gobel: Well, you can get along without dentures.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman were to have a baby, would it be a bionic baby?

George Gobel: Yes, but it would require three doctors, a ground crew and a disposable net.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… George, experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.

George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of ‘em.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Dear Abby says it's the single reason most people go to an X-rated movie. What is it?

George Gobel: Well, in the first place, they can't believe their eyes the first 20 or 30 times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… massaging the feet helps some people with hot flashes?

George Gobel: So that’s why Rose Marie wears battery-operated shoes.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  George, does Elizabeth Taylor smoke?

George Gobel:  She has one cigarette after every meal, which amounts to… two packs a day.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Can breathing in and out of a paper bag help stop anything?

George Gobel: If it’s filled with wine it can stop me from shaking.  

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

I'm the kind of guy who will have nothing all my life and then they'll discover oil while they're digging my grave.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Death Life Money Wealth

Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting “Poo! Poo! Poo!” What does that mean?

George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares