Author: George Lopez

Y’know, if those pews reclined and the priests gave the Raiders scores, I’d go to church every Sunday.

(1961 – ) American comedian, actor & talk show host
Beliefs

I’ve seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch.

(1961 – ) American comedian, actor & talk show host
Problems

As long as you are a tax deduction, you will always be safe in my house.

(1961 – ) American comedian, actor & talk show host
Government Taxes

I’d shake his hand, but I think that’s what’s holding up his pants.

(1961 – ) American comedian, actor & talk show host
Miscellaneous

80% of the women who were asked if they fake orgasms said yes. Actually, they said “Yes! Oh God, Yes!”

(1961 – ) American comedian, actor & talk show host
Sex