Author Greg Behrendt | Just-One-Liners.com

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Author: Greg Behrendt

It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author

Food/Drink Kale

Never buy a man a plasma TV until you’re married; a lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don’t need a girlfriend.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author

Entertainment Television Things

People don’t admire you for what you hate, they admire you for what you do about it… and your slacks.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author

Characteristics Admiration

My grandma used to say “Sound your Klaxon when you come around a turn,” and I’d say “Shut your f**king Klaxon I’m driving!” … Oh we had fun.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author

Activities Driving

When you’re in your 20s and 30s and you drop some weight, people notice, they’re nice about it… they’re like, ‘Hey man, you look good!' … but when you’re in your 40s and you lose weight, people are like, ‘You doin’ all right?'

(1963 – ) American comedian & author

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat… I might be failing as a father.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author

Family Fathers Sports

There are three kinda men in the world; there’s men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickelback.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author